Dear fellow women who have been called intimidating, strong, and free-spirited, do not fall for the lies that massage your ego. Fellow ladies who identify with being fearless, a leader, a force to reckoned with, do not cheat yourself by prescribing to a set of limiting beliefs that only reinforce a tainted lens that robs you of seeing the full beauty in your truly delicate, vulnerable life. Alpha women, do not settle for a lifestyle that operates from a place of dismissal and arrogance in life and in love.
Strong, independent ladies- do not fuck yourself over by accepting your current crowd. Your current crowd is what drives you to differentiate yourself. Your current environment is what drives you to profess your superiority to the pettiness and mindlessness that surrounds you. Do not cheat yourself by thinking this is where your throne resides. Do not cheat yourself by believing that this is the kingdom over which you reign supreme- you as the alpha female in the land of the stupid, foolish, and lost.
Your work isn’t done.
A true alpha woman does not allow herself to be surrounded by that which does not humble her, amaze her, and inspire her to deepen and soften into her connections. She always strives to fill her life with more opportunities to love and see others as whole, and in doing so, she attracts more people into her life that have done equal work on themselves. And she no longer has to differentiate herself. An entitled girl needs to separate herself, make herself special, and make herself different like a premiere product to be coveted and sold. The alpha woman refuses to do so- she opts for choices that resonate with what she truly loves and expresses her interest in the world instead of an interest in status. She does not need to prove herself nor does she expect others to prove themselves to her. Through positivity and love, she finds her tribe.
So do not proudly stomp your foot down as you claim that you aren’t ready to settle down and deem yourself more powerful and self realized for it. Do not arrogantly throw your head back as you roll your eyes at the men who don’t seem to have the balls to approach you, or the men who don’t have the power to keep you. Do not sit there on your shaky high horse and complain that no man is good enough for you.
For if you do this, you are not a true alpha woman- you are just an entitled little girl who gets too comfortable differentiating herself in an environment she feels she is too god for. And regardless of the potential for growth, intimacy, connection, and compassion offered to her, the entitled little girl will miss her chance because such opportunities are only seen and grasped by the humble.
And above all else, the true alpha woman is humble.
The true alpha woman is humble. She knows that everyone is growing and everyone has got their battles, pasts, pains, scars, patterns, and idiosyncrasies, including herself. She doesn’t expect perfection and she revels in the fact that, yes, building a satisfying relationship with someone requires “dirty” work. She can do this with a certainty that she knows her personal boundaries well enough to guarantee she never engage in abusive relations nor engage in a relationship she has to force. It requires both partners to spill out their guts and hurts and remain open and vulnerable to each other’s learned and innate qualities that can cause scathing friction. But they have the strength to see the bigger picture, to come back at it and communicate with an open heart and with acceptance. An alpha woman exercises the sole responsibility for her reactions, and expects the same from her partner. They stop making assumptions and they discuss their expectations. An entitled little girl will expect all her expectations to be fulfilled because he should just know and he made me feel this way. A true strong woman understands that he doesn’t just know, and she takes full responsibility of the power she has in communicating her needs, wants, hard rules, responses, and areas of flexibility. The alpha woman is comfortable enough in herself to let go of societal conditioning dictating relationship roles. An entitled girl expects the man to do all of the pursuing, the apologizing, and the leading. An alpha woman co-creates.
The true alpha woman doesn’t project her lack of self-realization and self-fulfillment onto an unattainable, unsustainable gypsy lifestyle. She is not too good for the small things in life, for the daily rituals, the everyday maintenance and necessities. She creates time and space and as budget to pursue passions and interests that she does not attach her self-identity onto. And so she doesn’t expect her partner to offer her all the spontaneities of the world. She appreciates the small things, she is grateful for what she can share with her partner, and she initiates these activities because she does not subscribe to a limiting belief that states that she should be the captivated once receiving a high from her partner. Nor does she expect her partner to be captivated by her passions. She is thankful to share her interests with her partner in mutually fulfilling ways. She does not need to be seem as a rare jewel.
The true alpha woman respects her partner’s needs and her own so much that she operates from a place of equal compassion and self-authenticity. She expects the same from her partner. If her partner needs her to explore and expand more of the facets of her being that express patience or intimacy or sympathy, she will dig deep and happily pour it out to a degree that is authentic to her. She lets herself play the mother, the nurse, the best friend, the assistant, and the princess because she is honest enough to know when she or her partner needs to be coddled, challenged, encouraged, motivated, or shown some tough love. And she does this and expects this knowing that a true lover wears many hats, and not all of it is glamorous, and not all of it is sexy or passionate or high-inducing. She understands that true friendship and compassion is humbling, and she has a healthy enough sense of purpose to put pride away and freely give and receive what is needed. She knows she can be out of it sometimes and maybe act too abrasive, needy, or anxious. She allows her partner the same freedom. She loves knowing that she can ask for extra love and support so that she doesn’t have to act out, and if she does act out, that’s okay. Her and her partner make mistakes.
The alpha woman in true love knows that she needs it. She knows that the only relationship worth staying in for the long term is a truly fulfilling bond that more than satisfies her mind, heart, body, and soul. She knows that true love elevates her life to a state that nothing else can. She finds a sweet haven in her true love and she knows such happiness that she would be a fool to state that she does not truly need her partner. Her union lifts her so much that she does NEED it. She also knows that her partner does have a great deal of power in her life and her being, and she loves it. She loves knowing that, despite her self awareness and responsibility for her feelings, she is so entwined with her partner that he has a great influence over her emotions- both good and bad. She knows that this is part of a growth oriented relationship- she knows that when her partner brings up negative emotions in her, it is a chance for her to do some self exploration and involve herself in conscious self growth. She is not too proud to say she doesn’t need her partner. She loves needing her partner. She loves knowing that her partner lights up her world to such a degree that she understands true happiness and union and that without her partner, such a high level of happiness could not exist. She loves knowing that she is equally needed and that her love and presence is crucial to her partner’s utmost wellbeing.
Because the alpha woman knows that once you experience true love, nothing else compares.
Nothing else compares to the look in her partner’s eyes that can cause her to burst into tears because she recognizes a depth of love and compassion that speaks to her heart in a way that penetrates every fiber of her being and resonates in every echo of her pulse. Nothing compares to how perfect and comforting and fulfilling a simple hug from her partner is. Nothing compares to being so familiar with her lover’s distinct warmth. Nothing compares to the way she can laugh after a fight because she is so sure that they love each other and are on each other’s team that their lapse in emotional reasoning is funny because it isn’t the truth of their bond. Nothing compares to the safety she feels in expressing every dark and light aspect of her being to her partner who will love her no matter what she says or feels. Nothing compares to being so in sync that she can feel her partner’s emotions as vividly as she feels her own. Nothing compares to the trust she has in knowing her partner loves her and only her because she sees it every day in the way her lover looks at her, at the truths her lover reveals, and at the bigger picture that her lover paints in strokes harmonious to her own.
The true alpha woman knows that she can have true love. She knows she doesn’t need to become CEO first, travel to 22 different countries to find herself, nor does she look for a lover she feels she can or should save.
For a true alpha woman already knows what she values. She doesn’t need to search the world to find out what is important to her in terms of a relationship. She already knows that humans need humans, and she is open to true love at any time. She does not chase a job over-zealously because it makes her feel powerful- she finds power in being able to balance her life to fulfill goals, enjoy down time, and nurture herself. She does not pursue meaningless flings because she loves believing that she is so powerful that men fall at her feet and wrap themselves around her finger. She doesn’t need to complain about the lack of “real men” because she understands that every human is dynamic- she looks beneath the surface and from there uses her compassion to choose which relationships to pursue. She knows the transformative power of relationships and thoroughly enjoys the life-long adventure.
She knows that she always has, does, and will always need love.
So if you haven’t found it yet, it’s coming. Be soft and open, listen to your heart. Adhere to your values and stay humble. In everyone resides the energy of the true alpha woman- a nurturing, loving, transformative force to welcome into any area of your life.
*Disclaimer: alpha female is a term I chose partly to attract readers who subscribe to the term, and partly because I see it as a term that described a refined woman. Treat it as a state of being rather than another identity. I do not personally feel a desire or need to use the term to describe myself, but for practical reasons, I chose it to get my points across.