Dealing with Infatuation: How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone

**UPDATE: I have recently published a new eBook- “Before You Cheat: A Guide to Reclaiming Your Life from Infatuation, Obsession, and Infidelity.” It is available for download on Amazon for only 99 cents:Β http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HDOF704. Thank you so much for your support.**

 

Sometimes we meet certain people that cause such an explosion of emotions, feelings, questions, thoughts, and attraction in us that we find ourselves thinking about them all the time. Sometimes we just can not stop thinking about them- regardless of what we’re doing or the last time we’ve seen them. The smallest of their actions leads us to over-analyze every tiny move they make. We find ourselves pondering over and over again about their intentions and how they possibly feel about us. The thought of them not wanting us back is soul crushing, even if in some cases it is true. We deny and over-think and obsess. At first, it can feel like a fresh rush- suddenly you feel alive and hyped up. You become extremely happy. Knowing and seeing this person makes you feel blissful. But then you begin to obsess and your mental workings start going downhill. Let’s try to deal with that.

Why Are We Obsessing Over Someone?

We obsess over that person because we are very, very attached to them.
We want to be with them, want to impress them, want to tell them all of these planned out, fine-tuned bits of witty dialogue that we’ve been tossing around in our brains for the past few days. We want to feel their presence again and again. That person is magical to us- a rarity, a unicorn that bleeds rainbow blood. We build them a comfortable home on a pedestal, even though we might deny it.
We’re extremely attracted to them. Something about their eyes, the way they speak, the little spring in their step- speaks volumes to us, louder than anything else going on in our lives. We’re very much infatuated and very much committed to being so.

When Does Obsession and Infatuation Become Unhealthy?

The rush of a new potential love is undoubtedly enjoyable- you feel more alive. It also does not last, so try to enjoy it while you can, but within reason. Have you heard of the song “Lovefool?” If you haven’t, listen to it and don’t let the happy up-tempo, glittery beat fool you. The song is a perfect example of the destructive habits we can pick up when we’re extremely into another person, and how that destructiveness can be oh so well hidden in a happy, fairy tale land kind of mood or viewpoint.
When you become love’s fool, you stop living your own life. Your life starts revolving around the other person. When will you see them? Where do they hang out? You find yourself roaming their haunts, hanging around the places you’ve seen them at the times you’ve committed to memory. You change your appearance, or try to, wondering if it will get their attention or if they’ll like it or if it will make them like you even more.
Basically, infatuation becomes destructive when you do everything for that person. You stop being yourself, you stop pursuing your own interests and doing what is important to you because you are so caught up in trying to impress them or trying to orchestrate magical ways of running into them that will lead to magical conversations that will magically have them falling head over heels in love with you.
If there is anything I know about relationships, it is this: NEVER LIVE FOR ANOTHER PERSON.
People do not want to be with a codependent obsessive. People are attracted to independent individuals with their own things going on. And what attraction might have naturally risen between you two can be very easily squandered by your obsessive and hungry behavior.

How Do You Stop Obsessing?

Obsession starts with thoughts. When dangerously infatuated, that person becomes all you think about. More easily said than done, the solution is to think about something else. Action is usually necessary- pick a way of spending your time that demands your full attention. Pick up a sport or a ridiculously interesting book (preferable one that isn’t about love), watch a comedy or action move that inspires you to practice your ninja skills or perfect your zombie apocalypse survival plan. Do some chores, cook something elaborate, do yoga,Β go to the gym, do your homework, start a puzzle. DO SOMETHING THAT HELPS YOU IMPROVE.
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By improving one of your skills, you will be focusing on something other than that person, and your self esteem will rise up a little bit so that their pedestal shrinks just a wee bit. Do this enough, and you won’t glorify anyone- you will indeed cultivate great respect for their achievements, but you won’t see them as a demigod anymore because you are also capable of hard work and progress. Mind boggling, right?
I also recommend that you try to surrender your obsession to the universe or any religious/spiritual entity you believe in. The point is to ask that your “burden” be taken off of your hands. You must state your intention to release the attachment. Meditate upon it. It helps to visualize- imagine ties or rope coming off of your body and going into the body of the object of your affection. Vividly imagine those ties being cut, and be grateful for it. They do say: if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it is meant for you. You can’t orchestrate the workings of the universe, so might as well surrender.
Besides focusing on something else and surrendering your problem, I suggest also analyzing why you feel so attracted to them.
Do they certain traits you feel might complete you? If so, consider the possibility that you are just disowning those traits in yourself and projecting them onto the other person.
Do they treat you a certain way, maybe like your dad or father figure or first love treated you? What’s familiar isn’t what’s always best, so use your judgement and think clearly about it.
Do they fit your ideal mold for the perfect partner? If so, try to get to know them better before jumping to such conclusions.

How To Stop Obsession WHILE Still Interested

I’m definitely not telling you to stop being interesting- that would be silly. But just focus on you and other aspects of your life more, not them. Restore the balance of your attention, focus, and emotions. Trust your intuition, but also trust the timing of things and the generally ambiguous nature of the world we live in.
Start writing your feelings about them or dreams about them and any interactions with them in a journal. Keep the descriptions of the interactions as factual as possible, as hard as that sounds. Later on as you progress from your obsessive nature, read back to the scenarios and your feelings. Don’t judge yourself, but try to find patterns in your thinking. Are there certain triggers that cause you to feel strongly? Were you right about them? Wrong? Keep looking back as you get to know them and/or move on from them, and your future will be less likely to involve you pacing outside their usual hang out spots, seeing them, and shrinking away from nervousness, or worse, showing them that you’re a nervous wreck.

Finding Happiness

Attraction can definitely be a rush, so enjoy it within reason. Nothing knocks you off your feet like meeting someone really, really special. And usually, when you meet someone really, really, really special, you won’t obsessΒ because something inside of you just lets you know. The events work in your favor, the answer reveals itself, and everything falls into place without your obsessiveness. Just work on yourself and trust in the process.

Also, if you require one on one coaching, I provide various options on a donations basis. Work with me here.

332 Replies to “Dealing with Infatuation: How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone

    1. I think you're right about being committed to our infatuation. Start working out every day, it really helps AND makes you feel better about yourself. Try to let things just happen, we have no control. If it's meant to be, it will be.

  1. This really helped me, I don't know why I became so infatuated in the first place. You just lose yourself and who you are, you change. When you notice that you need to stop. Move on, like she said. If you love them, let go.

  2. Thank you for these words of wisdom, they are really helpful. I don't usually comment on blogs, but something compelled me to do this out of gratitude to the author for explaining what infatuation means in such a way I could recognize the symptoms in myself so easily. The author is right, infatuation eventually is destructive. I have found this out the hard way a couple of times in my lifetime, and I don't want to repeat those experiences. I honestly believe the first step in "curing" infatuation is identifying it (hopefully before you're in too deep).

  3. Honestly, thanks so much for writing this. I really needed to read it. I feel like I have a lot of self reflection to do, but I am so grateful that you have provided people like me with this advice and information. Thanks so much, you have no idea how much you've helped me.

  4. You're welcome, thanks for reading and taking the time to leave a kind comment! I'm glad I am able to offer help πŸ™‚
    All the love and best of luck with your inner explorations!
    Wynona

  5. So pleased I found this, I'm lost at the moment in a hopeless infatuation and due to the situation have no one to talk things over with. This makes me feel that at least I'm not going insane will keep rereading this to give me the motivation to get through this. Everything you have written is so true thank you

  6. i really had no idea about this . i've been thinking about her these past months . this certainly made things clear to me . Thank you so much and God bless you!

  7. I think all this is really excellent advice. I am married but became infatuated with a neighbour, a widow, funnily enough only once she'd eventually moved away after about 5 years next door! I was so used to having her around I never realized I was falling in love with her. It's so true what you say about putting this person, with all their flaws, on a pedestal, and trying uselessly to impress them. You go back in time to when you were young, that feeling of falling passionately in love that gradually faded once you got married. It's the strongest feeling on earth, so beautiful but at the same time so strong and so destructive and so violent. It'll still take me months and months to get over it, and unfortunately I've thrown a good friendship away because of my infatuation with this nice person. She says "I wish this had never happened. You can't imagine how upset this has made me, and I forgive you and as far as I am concerned we can still be friends", but I know that can never happen.

  8. Thank you for the article! It's so helpful. I've recently realised that I was infatuated…I thought it was love but the more I became obsessive with the person the more I started to realise it wasn't love-more like obsession. I ended it couple of day ago it still hurts but that's to your article I know it was not healthy… Thanks again

  9. Im going to read this everyday till I get over my obession with a man that only uses me for sex for many years that is bisexual yet tells me he will never love me. So hard when they are the most attractive person u have ever seen even when the sex is bad. Then to be in a loving 5 plus year relationship at the same time is hard to carry.

  10. Ah, yes, infatuation patterns can be very complicated, no? Giving yourself time is definitely a good choice. Maybe your friendship has run its course and you can focus on allowing another friendship to come to you.

    Best of wishes,
    Wynona

  11. Hello,
    I'm glad you've been able to recognize destructive patterns in your life! It hurts but soon you shall heal and this will happen more quickly the more you align with healthy relating patterns.
    Thanks for reading!
    Wynona

  12. Ah, that sounds like a very complicated situation. You have the strength to get over it, and the more you align with healthy relating patterns, the less you have to call upon strength to align with health. More ease will flow with your interactions and intimacies.
    Best of wishes,
    Wynona

  13. I've never read an article that describes me so well. You have a way with words I must say. They hit all the right nerves.

    This might be a bit long but I feel like I have to get it off my chest

    I am going through something similar and it's taking a toll on me. I can't focus. I feel pathetic and weird. Just last year I was perfectly happy and pretty pleased with myself and my life. Along comes this strikingly wonderful person. At first i didn't feel much. I only noticed how pretty she was. We worked on a project together and we had fun. I wouldn't say we got to know each other but it was fun. I was not obsessed. I didn't think about her all the time. I thought of her as a fun person to be around. Then the project was over and summer came. I started feeling a gap. Making conversations in my head. Obsess obsess and obsess. Work only managed to distract me a little. I looked forward to becoming her friend when I saw her again. The semester came and instead of befriending her I became infatuated with every little thing she did. I barely talk to her, I'm just too nervous to know what to say. It was more fun being around her when I wasn't so aware of her presence and my own incompetence. I liked her more when I wasn't obsessed with her and I liked MYSELF more when I was confident enough to not be intimidated by her. I'm tired of being so constantly aware of what I look like, how I'm sitting, what I'm wearing and what I'm saying when she's around. I want us to be friends. I want it to be easy. I don't want to be infatuated.

  14. Hi Renad,

    I'm glad that my writing connected with you. Absence does make the "heart" grow fonder as they say, or in truthful terms, absence can make these messy ways of relating grow and grow strong.

    Just remember that she is a person, too, no more, no less, just like you. It is true that attractive people have an easier time captivating others, so I know it isn't easy to get her off the pedestal. Try paying more attention to nature or other people and seeing the beauty and wonder in them or yourself. Once you feel a little more grounded, analyzing the traits you obsess about can either hurt you or help you.

    Just focus on living for yourself and growing your own awesomeness and you won't have to worry about combating infatuation- you'll be too busy practicing authentic love for yourself and life.

    Hope that helps a bit and best of wishes,
    Wynona

  15. I have been searching for answers and you have nailed it, I know that I am infatuated with someone but have not been able to stop it, I have been able to control myself from contacting this person but these thoughts affect my life and the loved ones around me. I have not told anyone of my obsession which has now been going on for over 1 year with an ex employee. I feel so happy when I think of this person and get so emotional when I think about not ever being with him, I do know it is time to let go and get over something that was never there
    I will endeavour to focus and put that wasted emotion into my loved ones who love me back
    Thank you Wynona for helping me and my family

  16. Hello,
    Thank you for such a kind comment.
    Infatuation does totally get under our skin and sets off a bunch of emotion, but I am glad you've identified your trigger and are making conscious choices as to where you direct all that gun power.

    Take care and thanks for reading,
    Wynona

  17. Sometimes da lightnin' strikes and reason gets blown on to the back burner! That's the beauty of chemistry, but that chemistry will become a dynamite-strapped elephant charging into a nitroglycerin plant if you don't keep your cool so just chill and don't get all crazy and obsessed with your fantasy and just play it smooth baby, all will be well

  18. This is an amazing article and it is well-written. I'm in the same exact situation right now. I am infatuated with this person because of his voice and appearance. He's my friend and I've always enjoyed his friendship but five months or so ago, I started to slowly become attracted to him. Then summer came along and I forgot all about him. August came with a new coming school year, and I again, slowly started to become attracted to him. This attraction is now a pure obsession. Now, I am a person with big dreams, which I sincerely want to accomplish. Being infatuated is a total liability to my goals. I tried to break away from this obsession, but it is not working, mainly because he is responding to my extra attention. I really envy the time when I was just simply his friend and nothing more, the time when I was pleased with myself and the things I accomplished. Now I'm debating on whether to tell him about this so that I have an idea of what is really happening. I'm sorry for the length, but I am so confused and lost and annoyed with this problem.

  19. Hello!
    Thanks for the kind comment.

    If you feel like you really want to tell him about your feelings, go ahead and tell him. Discussing it with him may help you ease back into being your normal self again- talking about it could take away some of the "charge" or momentum of your obsession.

    Just try to focus on yourself and the present moment, doing what feels good and try to find creative outlets.

    Hope that helps! Best of wishes,

    Wynona

  20. Hi,

    Thank you so much for this wonderful article! It really helped take things into reconsideration.

    I'd recently become infatuated with this guy, but I barely know him. I only started liking him when he offered to hold the door while I was in a cast…yes, pathetic i know..
    sometimes, im surprised at myself for feeling jealous when this specific girl (who likes him, and who i think the guy likes too)

    to tell you the truth, i guess my infatuation stems from my loneliness. I'd moved into this private school and everyone just doesn't want to talk to me for some reason?! They treat me cheaply, think Im weird, it's complicated.. i really cant find any friends i can wholeheartedley trust, and have fun with. Maybe it's was because of a social trauma i had during middle school when some girls made fun of me/were mean to me for being myself.

    How can I resolve both this infatuation and this social problem?

    Thanks!

  21. Hi Clara,

    It sucks to hear that you're feeling lonely! Personally, a lot of the people I know who went to private school can attest to its unique brand of social hierarchy and cliquey ways. I feel for you.

    Maybe you could try finding a small club with a few people who are interested in similar hobbies, inside or outside of school. I say focus on your studies and your own hobbies and just be yourself and the rest will fall into place. But honestly, try to venture outside of campus.

    I understand how such a simple gesture can create such intense feelings, especially when contrasted to others who aren't so nice. I'd say to just ride it out and not think too much of it, your mind will stop obsessing the more you focus on yourself and your own life.

    Hope this helps!

    Wynona

  22. Hi Wyona,
    A very informative article and very useful, escpically in trying to combat Infatuation. Infatuation strikes me once in a while, it had been a long time since my last one, but although the feeling is great initially, I dread that it will linger on and can takes it toll. I recently became infactuated with a girl at work, and am trying to limit my feelings and get it out of my system, but sometimes it can be soo difficult. Especially knowing that nothings going to happen and no-one else knows about these feelings but me. I enjoy my work, i play sports and have a close knit people of family and friends, but when this happens then mostly i like to be by myself and spend time running trying to clear my head.

    Any further tips on trying to get it out of my system as quickly as possible would be great.

    Thank you so much!

  23. Great article. While reading I was thinking this is exactly my situation. I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced following this advice and ended up with the object of their infatuation?

  24. Hello,

    It seems you have the rest of your life totally handled. My only advice is to let your infatuation lose its momentum- just trust that it will and know that it is merely an infatuation throughout the duration of its stay. Try to find a way to laugh at your infatuation- make a mockery or a joke of it. It sounds a little quirky, but every time you feel that surge coming in, narrate it from a comical outsider's point of view.

    I really hope that helps,

    Wynona

  25. Thank you for the great article I thought I was alone but after reading all the comments looks like I am in not alone after all I am married with 3 kids so obviously my infatuation is not harmless. I workout religiously and after 4 years of ignoring all the stares and not smiling back there was finally one smile I could not resist. First it was casual talk and than harmless flirting on both parts after a year of this and knowing I was totally obsessed with him I confronted him and told him we had to quit talking. I do my best to go to the gym at a different time then he does but more than half the time I end up going while he is there. He has since stopped talking to me or even making eye contact but now all that does is make me terribly sad inside and for the rest of the day I mope around. I will continue to read this article and try to put him out of my mind. My question is Is the only way to get him completely out of my mind by not seeing him anymore? I just can't bear to stop seeing him and yes my husband knows all about my obsession and it is ruining my marriage.

  26. Hello,

    I think that you should try to let go of the charge behind the obsession. Try not to overidentify with your thoughts. If you injured yourself, it is normal to feel pain and be annoyed by it, yes? But it happened and it is over, your injury is done.

    Let yourself see that your obsession is done. You are already healing from it. It might be stinging like alcohol, but don't confuse the sting of cleansing for the rush of infatuation.

    Accept that your mind will have obsessive thoughts, but don't feed them. Try to laugh at those thoughts- they are silly like a child with a tantrum. Eventually, they will stop.

    Best of luck,
    Wynona

  27. I feel for you I'm in a similar situation. I have been with my partner for 16 years we have 3 kids and have been very happy. We got together at uni so we were quite young I think this May be part of my problem. Earlier this year one of the dads at my kids school started to look at me and I mean really look, no one has ever looked at me like this usually this sort of thing would freak me out but with him I just want more. He carried on with the eye contact,then smiles, then just saying hi and we slowly began to talk. Now he knows I like him he is hot and cold which I think he knows drives me nuts but keeps me keen which is of course why he does it. Now I can't get him out of my head I think of him all the time, should I have said this done that. It is driving me crazy but I can't seem to let him go. I crave one more look or hello and I hate myself for it.

    Your article has been very helpful and made me laugh at myself for how I act exactly as you say. I just don't know why I can't let go. He is playing me I know and even if he wasn't we are both with someone and I'm not a cheat I love my partner

  28. Hello,

    Sometimes we fall really hard because we don't give ourselves enough tender love and care. Have you tried spoiling yourself with love, awareness, and attention? Maybe once you get to pampering yourself, you can expand and share that energy towards your partner.

    Best of luck,
    Wynona

  29. Conceivable, but very doubtful. Don't forget that the people we're infatuated with are typically very strong independent people who are not at all interested in some needy pathetic person with no control over their emotions.

  30. Thank you for your response. What you say is true, I just have to convince the rational part of my mind of that. I truly wished this had never happened I have never experienced anything like this before and don't feel like me anymore, I want to have my mind back and I'm hoping that that's half the battle!

    I have read through many of your articles and they are inspirational Im so pleased I found your site. All my thanks x

  31. Hello!

    Thoughts can be really hard to detach from if you're not too used to detaching from them. I will be doing a blog post/possible video post about detaching from thoughts and not overidentifying.

    Thanks for reading. All the love,
    Wynona

  32. When this sexy bird farted in my left ear, ithought right ear now you need some of that and it got obcessed with trying to catch a fart even if it squeeked or stank bad, who cares its just obcession blowing in the wind!!!!

  33. This by far is the best "how to stop obsessing over someone" article that really hit me. Every word you said makes sense and it all relates to me. Its like you took the words right off of my mouth. Thank you.

  34. Dear Wynona
    Nice article my problem is I am so madly in love with someone who I can never have for reasons I won't go into. I imagine her having sexual fulfilment from her partner rather than me. I want to get over this madness as it is causing me depressive moods please help

  35. Let your thoughts go where they flow naturally without condemnation and get a feel and awareness for the feelings that those thoughts lead to. Explore it and do not repress it. You will find that the more you pay full attention it what is happening inside of you in the moment, the easier those feelings change and dissipate.
    Journal your feelings, really take the time to explore and ask yourself why why why. Relief will not come by wishing these feelings away. You must face them and really explore them. You must journal and write everyday and write about how you feel and why and listen to your intuition.

    Best of luck,
    Wynona

  36. Hi Wynona,

    I was actually going through the emotions that you wrote above.

    The article is really helpful. Please keep writing. god bless you!

  37. Everything on this article is exactly how I feel!!! I m married and not happy with my partner and there is this guy I work with that I ve known him for over a year now but its been only the last 5 months that I became completely attracted to him!!! it started of as attraction and now I m noticing how obsessed I really am!!! he led me on to believe he was interested and when I told him about how I feel he rejected me saying that he didnt mean to lead me on and that he only wants to stay friends! we work together so I m really trying to just be friendly but at the same time he is in my thoughts constantly…and whenever I m around him I get very nervous and intimidated!! I feel an emptiness when I dont see him at work and it makes me extremely happy and giddy when he is there and I can hear his voice or laughter!! There are days that I am so worried and saddened that I ve become like this and feel like I m not myself….and days that I feel confident that I m gonna beat this madness!!! sorry for writting a long one and thank u for this article I m gonna keep reading it everyday when I wake up to remind me what I have to do!!!

  38. Hello,

    I trust you can let go of this. Just be gentle with yourself and bring your thoughts and focus back to where you want your life to be. Bring it back to happiness and freedom and let that feeling really flow through you. Love yourself and take care,

    Wynona

  39. Hi, I hope you don't mind but I wanted to ask your opinion on being friends with the person your obsessed with. In my case it's a guy who gave me some attention, pathetic I know. However some good things have come out of it, I'm more confident and have started to make new friends and a following your advice am about to start some new hobbies. However the thoughts are still there I'm hoping they will gradually go but should I cut all contact or can we be casual friends. If I'm honest I'm not ready to let go but will being friends do more harm than good? Hope you don't mind the question

  40. Hello!

    I certainly do not mind any questions, that is what I write my blog for. I am glad to hear you are feeling more confident and are pursuing new hobbies. Don't feel bad about enjoying attention- we all need it, but try to give yourself lots and lots of it.

    Follow your heart. You may find the infatuation momentum slows the more you step into your own self more fully. No need to do anything drastic- it takes time to stop strong thought patterns, so don't be too harsh on yourself. Keep it lighthearted and happy, you're on the right path.

    Wynona

  41. Thank you Wynona, for sharing the wisdom. Hope I can apply it and free myself from pangs of infatuation at the workplace.

  42. Thanks for sharing the tips!

    I just got infatuated with someone, and it's heart-sinking painful πŸ™ This is the 3rd time I've been infatuated… problem is that im an introvert, so the rush of emotions that run through me don't have any where to go πŸ™ So its hurtful and soul crushing. So much that I start questioning my own worth! It gets to the point of prolonged depression. Its a miserable condition to be in, really.

    I'll try to use some of the tips u shared.

    1. I know how you feel, it's so painful and I cry alot when I imagine that person with someone else and then I think I'm too ugly for them, etc, all these cRAZY thoughts. I started walking and working out and I felt immediately better and more in control of my life!!! Try it!!!

  43. thank you for this amazing piece sums my new infacutation up – i met this amazing person and she is totally inside and out…. i am obsessed and its not healthy and i dont want to mess this up…. she has wonderful traits and mannerisims i cannot stop thinking about her and let go its only 2 weeks in and i thik i love her – this statement hits nail on the head too
    "Do they certain traits you feel might complete you? If so, consider the possibility that you are just disowning those traits in yourself and projecting them onto the other person." or the fact i want to be that type of person.

    i have saved this so i can come back to it when i have my infacuation moments.
    Love and light x

  44. Thank you, I think I have spent to much time wishing this hadn't happened and should now just accept it and hopefully in time it will as you said fade. I will try to enjoy my new friends and hobbys hopefully this will help me x

  45. Hello,

    Being an introvert myself, I totally understand how crushing the intensity can be. Hope you find ways to channel that energy that make you feel happy, peaceful, and free.

    Wynona

  46. Hello,

    Thanks for reading, I really hope those tips sink and help you on a deep level. It is very easy to disown our traits, and I hope you find a way to own up to them and feel much happier, freer, and peaceful.

    Wynona

  47. Winonna…I am glad looked into this problem; I have had an "affair of the heart" with a person who is well known(try world famous..! ) It has gone on for almost 40 years. I do discuss this with a therapist,just so you know. Bottom line, it hurts.I found your article helpful . Thank you

  48. Ah, I can relate to you, not as intensely though. I once had very strong feelings for a young man who has gained a significant amount of fame in another country. It does hurt, but the more you go through the pain, the more you allow healing in. Hope the best for you,

    Wynona

  49. I'm so glad I found this, this thing I have going on with this girl is killing me. Hopefully I can try some of what you said and stop.

  50. How good would it be though, if that person you're infatuated with, felt the same. obviously never happens unless it's in a film, but still it would be great.

    mines totally unrealistic and will never come to fruition but I just can't stop thinking about it

  51. It's easy to tell these things… but it's very hard to follow them…it's like changing the direction of a wind on your own..

  52. Hey, its ok to feel the desire for that requited intensity but infatuations are usually never healthy, so it is probably better that two people don't unhealthily infatuate over each other.

    It is okay to be at a place of nonstop thinking, but know that it is not permanent and that you can choose at any time to follow inner peace and give yourself all the love and attention and nurturing you need so that your mind doesn't use obsession as a source of fulfillment.

    Wynona

  53. I know it can be really hard at first to let go, but baby steps always work tremendously well. Just give yourself a little more and more love and attention and time/space to be still and peaceful and clear and you'll find your grip on infatuating weakening more and more until its gone πŸ™‚
    Wynona

  54. Hello,

    I've read some of the comments after reading your article; in a way it's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Thank you very much for sharing!

    I've been struggling since last November, feeling sooo jumbled inside with my 26 year relationship and then elated when hearing the voice or seeing the smile of the person for whom I've developed these feelings for. It's scary and it had escalated to a point where I lost a valid and healthy working relationship with this girl. I've been able to recover somewhat of how it used to be by promising that I would keep things normal and not personal between us. This includes not calling her just to hear her voice and definitely not writing her any more intense and super personal notes professing my feelings for her.

    It's all consuming though and sooo intense yet not based on reality. I'm not over this yet, it's still very vivid and I've come to realize that I'm not quite able to get through this on my own so I'm getting help from a professional psychologist.

    I just wanted you to know that I really appreciate your insight. I completely relate and identify with what you conveyed. I hope by leaving this comment that others who feel as I do, won't feel like they are alone with no hope in sight. What helped me seek help were loving words from a family member saying "just because we are human beings that doesn't make us experts in human behavior" , help is out there and you are proof of that.

    Thanks again

  55. Hello,

    I'm glad that you are getting yourself the help you feel is right for you, I hope it really works well for you. Thank you for the kind comment and I'm so glad I could help.

    Wynona

  56. Last year I was in the unfortunate position of breaking my arm in the same position twice. I was referred for physiotherapy but fell in love with her immediately when I met her, I have seen her for for many appointments we get on well but just recently my infatuation for her seems to be growing into the dangerous obsession region I want to be with her and wonder what she is doing all the time.

    I know I am a lot older than her but that doesnt bother me, I am worried what
    i am becoming, please what should I do?

    I have read your article many times and tried to occupy my mind with other things but it doesnt seem to work,She is on my mind ALL the time.She works in a hospital and I know she sees many many people so may not be aware. I have tried to be really nice with her, at first I was shy and quiet but over time I am becoming more chatty with her but come away miserable and long for the next appointment. Should I tell her how its affecting me?

  57. Wynona, thank you for this wonderful article. And thank you for helping so many people. You're a gifted writer and clearly have a heart to help others.

    I've been struggling with infatuation for a little while. There's a person I work with that I haven't been able to get out of my head for the past few weeks. For me, it's just one of those things that happens from time to time. I know it's temporary, and I've always been able to get past it. But I get frustrated and impatient with myself.

    In any case, reading your article and about the experiences of others in the comments has made me feel much better. I look forward to reading more of your material.

  58. Hello,

    It is natural for the mind to focus on obsessive thoughts. The best thing right now would be to take a step back and understand that the mind is like a machine and it isn't YOU. So the next time you have a train of obsessive thoughts, take a breather and step back and realize that the mind will do this like an untrained animal and that it is ok. The less seriously you take these thoughts and the more you can laugh them off, the less tension they'll create in your life and the less momentum they'll be powered by.

    If you tell her, she might ask the hospital to transfer you to another therapist and maybe that might be best for you. Take it easy and don't put too much weight on your thought patterns- realize they aren't who you are or what you are meant for and do something thoughtless and repetitive but enjoyable to give your brain a rest.

    Best wishes,
    Wynona

  59. Hey,

    I know it sucks to have this happen but it is better not to give our personal power away and deem ourselves unlucky. These events unfold in our life because they reflect our inner state and needs- a message. Usually when infatuation strikes hard, we are living in a state that hinges on self neglect, so if you give yourself lots of love and freedom to pursue your own interests and goals, infatuation is much less likely to strike.

    Wynona

  60. The thing is I have been going to her for about 9 months and the feelings have grown and I am frustrated that I can not do anything
    I certainly dont want to be referred to someone else,I have already been doing what you suggest in your reply but it just makes me more miserable. Very weird thing this infatuation, I understand it is something to do with a natural chemical alkaloid in the brain called phenythalamine (PEA) which multiplies into the body and speeds up communication of nerve cells and triggers an explosion of emotions and feelings. Well, if that is true it is certainly happening to me.

    I dont know if I will ever speak openly to my physio but I am getting tempted but I am cautious about the outcome because then i will be even worse.

    I do step backwards to think outside the box but other thoughts on my mind are overcome and revert to my infatuation thoughts, it is really hard to deal with and very emotive too.

    So what should I do, really?

  61. I met someone and after reading this I have realised that I have pretty much become infatuated. Since I have met her I have stopped focussing on hobbies and I tend to just wait around for her to come online. Its so easy to get into this habit. I think I will just focus on myself and fit her in around my life. I think subconsciously I have noticed she has a few similar traits to my ex gf who I have only recently managed to move on from. So easy to let someone take over your thoughts, I was actually waiting up for her to come back online in the hope of speaking to her but after reading this im just going to go to sleep. It really isnt healthy and I need to do some serious self improvement before even considering a new relationship. Thanks for the article anyway, didn't realise I was going to type so much!

  62. It seems to be you truly believe you will be worse and you give all the power of your well-being to your infatuation. I suggest you take back your power and ease through those initial feelings of misery. When such imbalanced tendencies take root, it usually is caused by an aspect of ourselves we are neglecting/disowning. Search inside yourself and be very proactive about being introspective. What are you projecting onto her? What about her makes her so special to you? This really is a call for a deep inner journey that demands you really take a good hard look at your life and lifestyle.

    Do you have a healthy family? A healthy group of friends? Personal hobbies and interests? A bucket list? What beliefs do you have? Do you have conflicting beliefs regarding relationships or relating to people or to yourself?

    You say you can not do anything but that is a self imposed limit. Stop giving the situation all of your power.

    Best,
    Wynona

  63. Nip the bud! I'm glad to hear you are choosing to focus on you πŸ™‚
    Best of luck! Hope you make some awesome developments in your hobbies and stay open to the fun of life.

    Wynona

  64. I am single, have hobbies and interests which keep me occupied most of the time but this infatuation seems to overpower anything I do, what a pain it is. What is a bucket list? I dont know what attracts me to her, maybe its what she is being a physio who cares. I have thought long and hard about the attraction and I must admit I dont really know, maybe sexy(not really)? Younger? Her profession? Could be anything or am I just attracted to her because I am her patient and have been for sometime too? I wonder about what sort of life she has is she married, single etc. Perhaps its me who is trying to care too much?

    Should I speak to her in a non committal way ie not saying I fancy her but ask her about who she is, and gradually build up and stop short of saying I fancy her then weigh that up? As I have said I dont want to ruin things and have to be referred to someone else.

    What a blinder I have landed myself in, Should I try the approach I say above?

    Regards.

  65. The infatuation will do that as long as you keep feeding it. Right now it seems you are denying yourself the thought of any hope or relief. I'd like you to really IMAGINE, THINK, AND VISUALIZE what your life would be like without this infatuation. Really put in the details. How will you feel when you wake up? What kind of mood will you be in? How do you want to BE?

    You need to really imagine this and think about what it is you want instead of focusing solely on what you are having lots of trouble dealing with.

    Also, many patients often fall for their doctors, it is quite normal for little crushes to occur but yours has gone very much off balance. Try googling the patient-doctor syndrome and maybe that will help you.

    Best!
    Wynona

  66. Thanks for the continued advice, I have googled what you suggested I dont think its quite that bad. I Know about the Patient- physio relationship problems and the fact its very common and every case is different. I have already been doing what you suggest in your last
    reply. Of course in time it will pass but it is a confusing feeling this infatuation not knowing quite what to do it is indeed very confusing and gives continuous headaches, not knowing what the other person will say and do when approached that is why I asked should I be more chatty and ask her about herself and maybe I can get on better, i guess my problem is I am shy about asking. I need to get things in to perspective and not to let it get off balance as you suggest. I have read your article a few times it is very good, I havent read anything like it that explains what seems to be a very common problem, a year ago before my accidents I had no idea what was going to happen, quite an experience i can tell you, I had no idea I would land up having to ask you for advice.

    I hope I am not boring you with all this but do note what you say even though what we both think seems to be similar.

    So now am I thinking right and should i do what i have said about the approach?

    Regards

  67. Hello,

    As much as I like giving out free advice, I have to refrain from giving out extensive customized advice without receiving some form of a donation. Please see my Personal Consultation tab if you are interested.

    Best,
    Wynona

  68. If I were to donate as you suggest for a final answer it would mean revealing who I am. I have chosen to remain anonymous like others. The question in my last message was to be my last on the matter because I think I may have worked out my problem also I am not in America so dont know what the currency conversion would be in my country.

    As I said it was to be my last question if you could answer that then I would be satisfied. After that I would be going round in circles anyway.

    Regards and Thanks.

  69. Hello,

    I respect the privacy of all of my donors. I also respect the integrity of my business, and I am sorry but I do not do thorough advice for free. There is also the internet if you need to figure out conversions to US dollars.

    Life involves a give and take, and if you seek additional help you know how to go about it, if not just listen to your intuition.

    Best regards,
    Wynona

  70. Wynona, I respect you have to make a living but I only wanted the answer to the last message and $90 for that in any currency is too much for one last answer, shame I like what you say in your handling of the infatuation problem article and for the most part I can relate to that and I am sorry that I have had to go on a bit about my particular problem but now I feel left in the lurch without an ultimate answer.

  71. Hi I have been checking out this cool girl I have been noticing for sometime i feel a bit infatuated with her but dont know how to break the ice with her and get to know her what do you think i should do about it should i talk to her or what i like her a lot. love your web page.

  72. Hi! If you want details, tell me about her and what you are like and what you're into and you can email that information to me. See my personal consultation tab!

    Generally, breaking the ice can be easily done if you have a friend who can introduce you two or you find an excuse to talk to her or get involved in a project with her.

    Best!
    Wynona

  73. $8 how would you know its me? All I need to my last question is should I do the approach in the message timed at February 15 2014 at 2:14am a simple yes or no.

  74. Dear Anonymous,
    You can email me with the time that your donation was sent. It seems to me that you are now aggressively seeking out this answer from me and placing great importance on it, which conflicts with you being resistant to paying in exchange for that importance.
    There is a very good reason why people in my field do not do this for free- an exchange in a vital part of the learning process and how one feels about exchanges reflects their overall views, beliefs, and blockages when it comes to their incoming and outgoing energy.
    Infatuation rarely hits those with freely flowing energy, and I do not mean just in the monetary sense.

    Please do not debate the matter with me further for I have already told you what is required,
    Wynona

  75. I wouldnt say i was being aggressively seeking an answer but if i were to make a donation would i get a straight answer, how long does the donation take to clear?

  76. Hi Wynona,

    Thanks so much for sharing this.
    I don't know if it's happening in my case but I have never talked to this man and still feel carried away only by seeing him. Do you think, I shall feel guilty and stop this coz I am married?

  77. Hi!
    I think you should ask yourself what it is about him that makes you feel carried away just by seeing him. This infatuation is probably due to something in your subconscious manifesting, so take a good look at what could be causing this.

    Best,
    Wynona

  78. Oh well, I have an appointment with my infatuation interest(physiotherapist) tomorrow (my time) and I will try to put my theory into practice (trying to speak in depth with her) but if i bottle out or something goes wrong I will be in touch.

  79. Thanks Wynona,

    I had my appointment and things went well I spoke with her and I managed to break down "the wall" a bit she revealed a few things
    about herself which surprised me a bit needless to say my assumptions were right she is a lot younger than me but that doesnt bother me. I did say something wrong to her which upset her a bit but being the nice guy I am I went up to see her again today to apologise which she fully accepted, we had a brief chat and I left
    feeling good that she accepted my apology. Next appt I will try and find out a bit more (hopefully!) about her. Stay tuned!!

  80. Wynona, thank you so much for this. It's really given me a new perspective on things, and I think I can move on with your advice. You've really helped me πŸ™‚

  81. Hi your article has been a massive help to me and I have been really trying to detach my self from this obsession by being more social taking up new hobbies and now even limiting contact with this guy. I can't however stop thinking about him when I'm not otherwise occupied. I can't even remember what I used to think about before this happened it started about a year ago and got really bad about 7 months ago I'm so sick of thinking about this/him I think I need to retrain my brain but how!

  82. My situation to a tee. Except that in my case it is even worse, because even if the other person did become interested, I can't really action anything in a positive way since I'm married to someone else — someone who I obviously don't feel that way about and haven't for a long time. I actually confessed to this woman (much younger, by the way), my feelings for her and at least at first she was understanding and still wanted to remain very close friends, even doing sleepovers with me (I work remotely in a different city from where I live, so have my own apartment there). This was two months ago. I think a combination of my continued obsessive behavior along with her thinking through the situation more, has caused her to cool significantly and withdraw. This is the point that is the most painful for me because I'm having the withdrawal symptoms now. I've become somewhat of a serial obsessor and thankfully, because I am married, in almost all cases the other person, while friendly, doesn't want to pursue things further. So, I just end up getting emotionally hurt over and over again. Why do I do it? Because I feel trapped in my marriage for many reason I won't go into, and this is the only way to feel that rush described above. I've chosen to live with the pain rather than live my life without ever feeling that feeling again. This latest episode might cure me of that because it is the most painful to date. I'm a really logical person, but logic seems to go out the window here. I think in my case I'm obsessing so much because I'm so close (in my mind) to being with someone young, beautiful and exciting and if I lose her I'll likely never find someone like that again. Especially difficult being married, as most women (rightly so) won't risk getting that close to someone in my situation. So I try to hold on as tightly as possible. Another good song, by the way, is Hold On Loosely by 38 Special. I just can't seem to execute on this. The right thing to do would be to figure out my marriage of 25 years, and if I can't, then divorce so I can pursue relationships more honestly. My options would open up considerably if I did that and would likely be less susceptible to obsessing. I'm sure most of your aren't married, but even if single, you might analyze to see if there is something you view as limiting your ability to be with other men/women, and if so, that might be a driver for you obsessing on this "one" person. Best of luck to you all!

  83. Actually, yes it does happen. Happened to me one time, and I married her. Worst mistake of my life. Now I'm trapped in a no-win situation. Be careful what you wish for! In my case, I was a strong, independent, non-needy person, then lost that when infatuated, regained it after marriage and realized I was with the wrong person. Still paying for that years later.

  84. Hello Anonymous,
    I do agree that one really needs to analyze their beliefs about themselves and marriage if they feel marriage is hindering them from being with others. It is really unfair to one's partner to keep feeding obsessions, and if one feels trapped, then they should discuss it and figure out if anything can be done. Maybe some people married for the wrong reasons, and if so the truth eventually prevails and some might find themselves knock down by the truth that they really did not marry the right person. If so, it is never too late- if one feels that they married the wrong person, I have a feeling that the other partner feels the same way unless they have worked very diligently on ignoring the aspects of the marriage.
    Pursuing a young, beautiful, exciting, and most of the time thoughtless/wreckless woman/man can be a real thrill, but have you considered that for them, having a forbidden lover is also a thrill? Just a thrill. Thrills will wear off, especially when someone comes to their senses. No one with a balanced sense of self really wants to become seriously involved with someone who feels trapped by a marriage and feels so powerless to the marriage that they pursue others while still committed. Attention and admiration from people we glorify or put on a pedestal can be addicting and it can drive you mad- the more we become aware of this very natural tendency, the less power it has over us.

  85. Wynona, thanks for the advice. In my current situation, the young woman just wants to be friends, so we haven't been intimate, nor do I expect she'll ever want that. At the same time, she has been spending some nights with me and cuddling while watching a movie. She does end up sleeping separately on the couch, though. She might be starting to pull away now, perhaps becoming more uncomfortable with the situation. This is what is triggering my separation pain, but I suppose better now than later, as I think the more time I spend with her the more difficult it will be when she does eventually find someone else who she can be more than just a friend with. Really I'm just torturing myself, but as many point out, it is difficult to break that addiction. In the past two weeks, I've always been the one to initiate contact, so am trying to resolve myself to not contact her first at this point. If/when she does contact me, as I'm sure she will eventually, even if just out of curiosity, I need to be ready with a decision as to whether I continue the friendship as is, whether to do a dramatic "break up" of sorts and tell her I don't think I can handle this, or whether to just gradually spend less time with her and let it die a natural death. I'm not really happy with any of these options, but I'm kind of stuck.

  86. Hello anonymous,
    I can say that letting it die a natural death is much easier said than done. You have to be quite firm with your intentions with what you do with your time, emotions, and energy. The separation pain is something you can work through- it will hurt but it will pass. You don't have to be stuck, you just need to make a decision and commit to it and put your energy and attention into committing to that decision and directing your life to where you want it to be. Focus on the situation you do want- and I hope that means one that is clear and free of complications. Try to focus on a situation in respects to a state of being- focus on feeling free, independent, and balanced enough that you no longer fall into infatuations. Really imagine what it feels like to be free in all aspects of your life in the most harmonious and balanced way.

    I wish you total clarity,
    Wynona

  87. Continuing my thread last entered on 19 feb 2014, I have had another appt with my infatuation interest (my Physiotherapist), I have had a long chat with her during the session and found out a few more things about her but still havent quite made the ultimate break through to ask if shes available. I know she is a lot younger than me, thats not a problem. I am worried if I go too far with the questions she may either end the sessions or a plain downright rejection, what a to do! Between appointments I get the urge to see her one way or the other but dont.

  88. Her being much younger than you might not be a problem for you, but really try to look at the situation through her perspective. I really do not condone the prolonging and feeding of an infatuation but I am glad that you feel comfortable speaking about it. I think the thread above might be pertinent to your situation.

  89. Hello,

    Your article speaks volumes to me, and I am trying to follow all of your advise, but I am struggling. I sit and try to visualise the ties being cut but my subconsious betrays me and I just can't do it. I want him, but I don't want him! I have such wonderful dreams about him when I'm asleep, then I wake up angry at myself. I want to stop this obsession, but then a part of me enjoys it and won't let it stop!

  90. Continuing from 7 March14 8.45am reply.
    She knows I am older than her from my records and has done nothing about that so age isnt an issue it would seem and I do see it from her perspective. She is bound by her rules of behaviour and ethics etc and cannot speak too much about her self whilst I am her patient, that is the problem. I could easily ask her are you married, single etc but because of the ethics problem she wont answer that, she knows a lot about me because I am being open and she does show interests in what I say and we do have a good time now at the sessions. If its a case of her just being nice for her patients, I too have been very nice to her thats why I think we get on good. Next appt in a few weeks.

  91. unless you want to make a contribution for my time and attention, there's no point telling me more after i've already given my insight repeatedly to no avail.

  92. Hello Wyona I have this hot chick in my view but I havent the nerve to talk to her,I have sort of known her for a while but cant seem to build up the bottle to say how hot she is and its doing my head in I talk about her all the time and bore the life out of people talking about it. Its doing my head in, why cant life be simple? I am afraid of rejection, I have had infatuation problems before and I land up getting frustrated and depressed and it affects my life and everything I do. I have read your article above, it strikes a cord with me. Well written, have you suffered such problems you seem to know a lot about it. Lots of love.

  93. thank you!! It help me somehow.. btw I'm thinking about getting to know her in the near future and just focus on my studies, so when that time comes I am mature enough to deal with love and relationship.

  94. Thank you so much for writing this, I'm a 20 year old female currently attending radiology school in my third year, and i have never experience this until now, i mean i have had love interests but nothing this intense. There is this guy that is also in my program, hes a 4rth year, and as soon as i formally met him i have been pretty much infatuated. Just something about him makes all the nerves in my body stand on edge, hes tall, handsome, a little older, just the way he carries himself is so inviting. The way he spoke to me, and intensively listened to me when i talked, just everything about him gave me such a rush. First it started out small but over the months i have found myself thinking about him way more than i should for someone i barely know, i would keep playing out things in my mind about how we would make a connection and could possibly start dating. I kept thinking of ways we could run into each other since it wasn't very often that we did considering he is a year ahead of me, and what i could say to him. Unfortunately every time i do run into him i get extremely shy and avoid him as much as possible, which didn't help with my self esteem as you could imagine, i felt inadequate, and i hated i was doing this to myself. I was also very embarrassed of these feeling since Ive always been very independent and have never experienced something like this before. Truly i felt alone in this situation until i stumbled upon your article. It has gave me a new perspective on the situation and has helped me decide to let go and let the cards fall where they may. Some days its easy and some days its not. But when i feel doubtful i always come back to this article and it always puts the healing process right back into motion. (i have probably memorized this article! haha!) But i just wanted to say thank you for the inspiration! You have a great way with word expression, keep up the good work!

  95. Read this. It perfectly sums what I'm going through right now. I've been in a relationship for some years now and I feel that it started to grow… stagnant. Likely due to lack of self-improvement on my behalf and further concentration on my own activities: things I'm trying to do by going back to the gym, possibly apply for college and turning down the romantic momentum of some thoughts.

    However, as much as I work on self-improvement and as able as I might be to look at my ex-boyfriend and see him for what he is: someone very dear, and very special for which I have a crush right now, I know that I feel so because something isn't right in my life or relationship right now.

    If so, where the heck do I go to from now? Should I break up with who I am and just be on my own for a while? Knowing how I feel doesn't help me much when I'm standing between an infatuation and someone who has been with me for some years now.

  96. Thanks, I was getting crazy with a girl whom I met just a month back – I was going through the exact feeling you have mentioned here. I'm going to live for myself first , while still being interested in her. If she comes into my life I'll happy else I'll wait for that special person! πŸ™‚ Thanks a ton!

  97. You have put things into perspective for me. I was involved with a person who is still in a relationships. I still continued to see him even when he told me that no POA was ever worth leaving what he had. As much as I foungt not to get attached, I did. I know its not love what I feel but infatuation/obsession for him. I'm going to do excatly what you recommend and I will refuse to continue this affair. You nailed it and I'm grateful for reading this. Thank you.

  98. Hey Wynona,

    Like everyone else here has said, thank you for putting this into perspective and for giving tangible steps to overcome what has overtaken my life. I've been married basically 3 years less than my infatutuee's husband has been alive. I don't know why this has happened, I thought it might be a bit of a Florence Nightengale effect as she was treating my terminally ill dog, but this is the biggest infatuation I've dealt with in 20 years (I, too, fell like I'm a serial infatutuator, I've had 3-4 huge infatuations in my life). I used to see her pretty much every week, and have thought about her all the time for the last couple of months. Unfortunately our pup left us a couple of weeks ago, but my thoughts haven't ever stopped thinking about her. I've met her husband, she's met my wife. I know she has no interest in me at all, and I am at peace with that. I love and appreciate her as a friend but don't know how to deal with my infatuation or obsession with her. Thank you for your advice. I appreciate the help.

  99. Hello Anonymous,

    I think that her admirable qualities have been highlighted- she has cared for your dog and that has emphasized her nurturing and kind qualities, so you have seen her in an angelic light. This happens often to the infatuation prone, and it is nothing to worry about. Just relax and be okay with the temporary burst in admiration, try to let that energy dissipate and go into all aspects of your life and towards your self and your wife.

    Best,
    Wynona

  100. Hello Anonymous,

    Be very patient with yourself and your relationship. You are now coming back into focusing on yourself and developing your own hobbies and awareness. This awareness will flow into your relationship- also try to communicate this effort with your partner. Both of you might just need more time to develop yourselves, so that when you are back together, you have grown and have much to share with each other again. Through this sharing of growth and newness, your relationship might just start flowing abundantly again, and you will find a new zest for life and each other.

    Best,
    Wynona

  101. Really can't remember how I got over my infatuation with a teacher. Had fun with it until I got bored, I guess. But, boy, was I obsessed there for a while! I used to agonize over whether he was looking at me in class and I'd replay over and over every conversation we had. The last time I talked to him he was very warm and friendly and I just thought to myself "Perfect! Leave it on a high note." I'm only interested in unavailable men and, even then, only temporarily. Obsessing over men who I have no chance with is about as close as I'm ever going to get to a real relationship and I'm fine with that. I'm over the teacher and have no idea who I'll focus on next. Great article, thanks.

  102. I have a lovely boyfriend, who I fell passionately in love with 6 months ago. It was the real mccoy – I couldn't sleep and thought about him endlessly. I felt incredibly happy all the time, seemed to glide through my work life, was totally energised. He was besotted with me too, and so, after about a month we became exclusive and very soon started to talk about getting engaged. Now we are coming up to 6 months of serious involvement, and have begun to talk seriously about getting engaged. We've even been looking at rings! Suddenly I met someone new on a work weekend, and I feel completely distracted. There were so many things about him which were intriguing, and I felt very comfortable with him, and excited by him. Some of them were very similar things to the things which attract me to my boyfriend, others quite different. I didn't shy away from spending time with him; I liked him better than the other people there. However, I was surprised when he suggested that we could hang out, unnerved when he said goodbye to me with a 'See you soon' and leant me something which gives me a pretext to see him again, and worried when he texted me to check that I had got home safely. Worried because I liked all of these things happening. Now I am confused. I don't know if it's best to give him a wide berth and concentrate on my lovely boyfriend and the relationship I'm in, which is on the brink of a serious commitment, or if we can get to know each other. I'm scared of what might happen if we like each other a lot. My current boyfriend is wonderful; I really don't want to get into a comparison situation. On the other hand, it seems odd and oppressive to refuse to explore something interesting.

  103. Hello Anonymous,
    First of all, I'd like to let you know that I can relate and that the best thing I did for myself in such a situation was to realize that 6 months of knowing someone really isn't long enough to make such a huge commitment such as an engagement. I know how easy it can be to reject such a saying, but I honestly know how deeply and passionately and lovingly one can become entwined with another. Engagement, while not a bad idea, needs lots and lots of time. You have your entire life ahead of you, there is no need at all to rush an engagement. I think the rush of an engagement and the thought of a wedding drives many couples into something that they are not quite ready for- wait it out. Your commitment should come naturally- think of an engagement as a decoration and your relationship as the true substance.

    Also, if you are having feelings for someone else, ask yourself if its because you are bored with your life/self/relationship. Maybe you really like this guy because he is fulfilling something for you that you are not fulfilling for yourself or that your significant other is not fulfilling for you. Maybe you just really like the attention or affection or special treatment that this new person is giving you. Just observe and see what you think the truth really is- be honest and open with yourself.

    Again, the best thing I think for you to do is to give the engagement some time. It may seem like a very fun and exciting and romantic idea right now, but practice a little detachment and patience and try to hold it off. In all honesty, I don't think an engagement sounds like the best idea right now if you are interested in someone else.

    Best of wishes

  104. Ok so I was absolutely compelled to write something. Thank god there are other people going through this craziness. I am about to turn 30 and began sleeping with a guy a few months ago. At first it was fine, we each had busy lives so there was no weird power struggle. He made it clear at the offset he was not ready for anything serious however slowly I grew more and more attached, and I think it started to show. Asides from a few hours of his precious time a week, I don't see or hear from him. He wont even give me his number, his justification being that we live in the same apartment block so if we want to see eachother we should just knock, forget this technology stuff. He claims the ball is in my court and I can always turn him away if I dont want to do this anymore but I am now seeing this is just games. All of my friend are screaming at me "why are you putting up with this, come on it is getting pathetic now" but everytime he knocks on the door my heart races and I forget the speech I have prepared in my head to set the world to order. I know (really I do) that there is no future and this is not someone who respects me or who I could introduce to my family with that kind of behaviour! When we are together everything is great so I begin to think maybe there is something there and somehow this time will be different.You become sneaky exactly as you say, how can I 'accidentally' create a scenario that we run into eachother. Lame! The simple truth is there is no winning here. It is also affecting me being able to meet and open up to other people and believe me I have tried. Just writing this to you and seeing it in print has helped immensely. I am going to take your advice and focus on planning for my vacation. I hope that when I get back the spell will be broken. If you do have any tips to 'keep me strong" and resist the urge to let him back in please I am all ears??? Thankyou for offering this forum….I am sure our friends will be grateful also so the dont have to hear this story yet again πŸ™‚

  105. Dear Author,

    This was the absolutely most insanely perfect description of what I am dealing with. Problem is, please no judging, I met him through a very good mutual friend at her son's birthday party and again the next day we ran into each other and he helped me with my children… I was somewhat attracted but didn't think much more if it as I'm married. Not happily, mind you. Neither of us are, but we have 3 children together and we're both young, etc…

    Most important factor to the story is this: our mutual friend I met him through told me he was a serious player. So, last weekend my girlfriend and I were out having "after-finals-drinks" and he and his friend showed up. Long, complicated story short, this guy I was crushing "the player" devoted every ounce of his affection, attention, and CRAZY good dancing skills towards me for the next 3 and a half hours. KNOWING I'm married and with plenty of other available, attractive women in the bar. As much as I kept reminding myself of his reputation, and was playing hard to get, he hooked me. He even guarded me with his body from a fight, twice! That was my "sigh" moment.

    So, now a week later, I sit here looking up how to get over an infatuation and I have not heard from him since. He never asked for my number, he never friended me on Facebook, nothing……and we have many mutual friends so it's not like he can't get ahold of me.
    Last night, we went out again. Subconsciously I was looking for him the entire time and couldn't even be interested in anyone else (again no judging please). This is pathetic and ridiculous. My guy friend said I was a conquest, the forbidden fruit. And by playing hard to get, he just rolled onto the next one….
    Advice?!

  106. Very interesting article, i really liked it and i believe it will help me with my situation! keep up the Good Work πŸ™‚

  107. Hi I'd really like to buy your eBook on Before You Cheat but I don't have a Kindle and cannot seem to buy it from Amazon. Is there another way I could pay for it and you could email me the file?
    Thanks

  108. This part made me laugh out loud: An infatuation is "a unicorn that bleeds rainbow blood." It reminded me of how crazy it can make me feel!

  109. This is exactly what I needed to hear! I'm very logically minded, so I can see that this infatuation is baseless, that it can't lead anywhere, and that I don't really want to be with that person… but the "rush" feelings are muddying everything up. So I have to come read things like this to remind me of what I really value in my life.
    I have recognised that I'm attracted to them in a sense of admiration for who they are, their personality and intelligence and other traits, so I think the point about self-improvement is relevant in this kind of situation. The hardest thing is, some small part of me is like, "No! I don't want to let it go and forget about this guy!" I'm sure one day I'll look back and wonder why I wasted so much energy caring about it, in the end!

  110. I enjoyed reading your article. I'm experiencing this same problem with a woman I work with. My problem is that I'm a married man, separated from my wife over the last 8 months due to her relocating for a job. I've been trying to transfer since she left. Thankfully I've finally found one, and I'll be joining her very soon. That aside, I constantly think about her. I know it's wrong, and I haven't done anything to compromise my marriage(my momma taught me better), but I can't stop obsessing over her. I get very upset, more so than normal, when she blows me off to do something else. I just can't figure out why? Hopefully some of the tips you've provided will help me. That, and finally being with my wife again, away from her permanently. Thank you for your advice.

  111. Piss me off! I always say that to myself when I drop back into imagination of a perfect person. I am pissing myself off. Finally decided to seek help. Here I am reading the first thin I found on Google. It's so helpful. Really. God bless you.

  112. So, that was my question above. This past week I flew for business and sat next to her. I ended up telling her how inspired she made me over the past six months. I've lost weight, dress nicer, work harder, perform more charity and basically turned my unexpected emotions for an older married woman into a positive force in my life. He response was I'm glad I can have that effect on you. I know I did the right thing only it's such a depressing feeling.
    The best a is like a city dweller gets to spend some time with the queen. You know it's not meant to be…

  113. I have crush on this fine Latino brother I think reason why I haven't made a move because I need to get my self together once i'll do that i'll be good once I get full-time employment and my own place than I can talk someone but right now I got work on me. Just like Billy Preston song says Nothing from Nothing leads nothing. you gotta have something if wanna be with me.

  114. Thank you so much for this article!! It is exactly what I was going through. It all started off as a joke on Facebook that me and my friend were going out and when we were together we would pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend. That was fine at first and then somehow along the line we got drunk and me and her kissed. This is when my infatuation with her started…

    I then found myself doing things that in hindsight were just stupid, I would walk a
    different route just on the off chance that I might run into her, before txting or facebook messaging her I would overthink what I am going to write to her. I tried to do things to keep my mind off her but nothing seemed to work. What sucked is that because we were with the same group of friends, I felt like I couldn't tell anyone and I kept it bottled up. She eventually moved overseas (which really really sucked) and I could still not stop thinking about her.

    What I found that did help was the long distance between us, and my feelings and emotions shrunk to the point that I thought about her for literally 2 seconds a day (Which was pretty good compared to what it was before). A few years passed and she came back for a holiday, Over those years of her being away I had done a lot of growing up. When I saw her after all those years I felt in control of my emotions at the time until….. once again we had got drunk and slept together and now whats funny is that we are now sort of "friends with benefits" which im not sure if its a good thing or not.

    In short this article pretty much identifies all the stuff I was going through and at least I have the tools to identify the fact that I didn't love her, but it was that I was just infatuated with her.

  115. wow. Did you write that while you were infatuated? That is one golden nutshell you have pulled off. For me your description alone brings a light. It is a familiar thing to me, I have noticed myself in the early stages of it once again and thank god I found this write up.
    Even in the face of there being almost no chance of the attraction being reciprocated I feel encouraged by mainstream culture to let the person know how I feel. Is this a bad idea? I feel it's a bad idea.
    Also, as a side note, what are your thoughts of the concept of "Friendzone."
    As a guy I feel like girls have techniques of expressing their non-interest, I also feel this is instantly the bases for the permanent setting for how that relationship will be from there on. So i would never allow myself the spark of interest. Forever Alone.

  116. Thank you this. Your words exactly describe what I'm going through. I will try to improve myself in hopes of getting over my infatuation with a girl, of whom I've only worked with for two days at a new job. She made an impression on me the first day and after that I couldn't stop thinking about her and after thinking about her and day dreaming scenarios of how we'd be together, I feel completely stupid and annoyed with myself. To put any person on a pedestal, I know I'm setting my self up for a fail. It's happened before so I should know better. I've allowed the thought of her to take over my brain and it's affecting my productivity.
    Begone infatuation. BEGONE!

  117. Thank you very much for this article, it was painful reading as so much of it applied to me, but very very useful. Going to start applying the advice now…

  118. Hello my name is Anthony and i've been going through a problem of Infatuation for over 3 years.
    its with a singer named Sara, she is from canada. i know these feelings can't be real cause i barely know her.
    but the feelings are there anyway..i don't know why i feel so strongly. it all started when i met her at one
    of her concerts..just talked a little bit with her but when i left…well thats when it started.
    for a while i just thought i was star struck but now…i just don't know anymore..it feels like a million
    tons of bricks have been placed on my chest. i need some help or at least some advice..i've triedeverything it
    seems.

  119. Hello Winona,

    I was the one who gave you a long thread earlier this year regarding my infatuation for my physiotherapist who is a lot younger than me.
    Well, yesterday I saw her for what was possibly my last session until
    specialists sort out my medical problem and I am devastated that I might
    not ever see her again despite the fact we get on great and I have had a wonderful time with her, I have done something that may be regarded as a bit on the "cheesy" side I have dropped off a letter to tell her how I have felt about her for the last year or so and asked for an in depth account of the treatment she has bestowed upon me, I am hoping that I will see her again at some stage but at the moment I am upset that things are in limbo, I just want to see her! Now this has happened I am not quite sure how to deal with my emotions,
    please advise. Regards.

  120. That article is so well written Wynona. It really does help me to read it, and to read other people's comments too. Makes me realise that my current infatuation is perfectly normal, even if it is diifficult to deal with. Mine is difficult for me as we're both single and get on really well, so the only problem is she doesn't fancy me! Not a lot I can do about that really, which makes it worse for some reason.

  121. I suffer from anxiety and obsession but it's been under control for quite some time. Recently I got a new supervisor and well we really clicked. She is married I am married. Both marriages have similarities in their issues and our unhappiness. She is going to counseling and working to restore her interest in her husband.

    I completely fell for this woman. She flirted a little with me and I just went into everything you describe above. I know I have marital issues that I have to address and I know that my fantasy supervisor does not have the same interest in me… but oh my gosh I just couldn't stop thinking all these unrealistic thoughts about becoming a couple.

    Your article has confirmed what I have been trying to do in terms of thinking about other things. It's just so powerful the feeling of being in love again. Meditation really helps to relax and stop the repetitive thoughts.

    I am convinced I was suppose to meet her and I still fantasize that we will be together in the future but intellectually I keep telling myself it's ridiculous thinking spurred on by anxiety and obsession. Maybe it's time to up my medication…

    And if you think this is just another youngster dealing with young love, it's not. I am 54 and should know better how to control "these things" but wow; the power of love and the power of wanting love is really strong chemistry.

  122. Thank you for this article. I have noticed that I trust less in the process and lose my grounding more with age – out of loneliness or panic of being alone maybe. I think this has added to a couple of obsessions over the years, making them worse. Is it possible to suggest some calming thoughts when that loneliness or panic is at play?

  123. Hi Anonymous,

    Great question!

    When I think of calming thoughts, I think more of a calming mindset. Instead of just 1 or 2 affirmations that you might be reciting in vain, a calming mindset is often much more effective.

    When you feel the panic or loneliness setting in, before it starts gaining momentum, take a step back and let go of the panic. Remember that the panic is not you, its just something you allowed to grow. Don't let the panic feeling get a hold on you, its basically claiming it belongs with you but you know I doesn't. It can't claim you anymore. Then go do something fun or meditative to take your mind off the panic, like a chore you kind of enjoy or some exercise. Watch a comedy. Lift your spirits. Don't let the panic trick you into thinking its a giant.

  124. I met someone a few months ago, but just spent more time with him over the weekend and got to know him a little better. I can't stop thinking about him and this article describes perfectly what is going on in my head. Thank you for writing this, I couldn't have described the feelings any better. Also, the comments help to know that I'm not the only one going through this sort of thing.

  125. Oh my God, those first few paragraphs capture exactly what I'm going through more than anything else I've found. I'm married, but very attracted to and obsessed with a younger coworker. I cannot stop thinking about her, night and day. It's destroying me.

  126. This article is so very helpful. I have to admit I felt so identified… I also have to get something off my chest. When I started my current job I felt attracted to a coworker yet I thought I was making up stuff in my mind as you say in your article I was overanalyzing… He did give some hints and I was totally freaking out, I realized that I could not trust myself with this guy. So honestly I avoided him, turns out he recently quit. I wanted to say goodbye and wish him luck, so I asked for his phone number and texted him, I kept picking up hints so I took a chance and confessed my crush. He came clean and said he felt the same. I must clarify IΒ΄m in a stable relationship… And against all signs of the universe, I bid him farewell and somehow it felt right… I guess what scares me the most is that I did not feel any guilt. Furthermore, I do really love my boyfriend and this guy also has a long distance girlfriend. I feel completely shaken and out of my normal self. WhatΒ΄s worse is that this guy says that he wants to get to know me. I realize that this is just infatuation but IΒ΄m scared it might become obsessive. I have a lot of alone time ahead of me. I really want to get to the bottom of this and sort out everything. I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend and I just can’t picture myself with anybody else. Thanks so much for this article!

  127. Thank you very much. I do comedy open mics and I've recently become infatuated with another new comedian. I'm going to be seeing her 2 or 3 times a week for the forseeable future so I could see the obsession really ruining my life if I don't get control of it. I just tried the meditation exercise and I already feel a little better. Thank you for writing this, so much of it rang true for me, especially the part about telling them some witty confession of your love you've been repeating over and over again in your brain *cringe*.

  128. I've been struggling with this for about 12 years – possibly more. The only relief I've ever got from obsessing over a person is when I was obsessed with my work.

    I've never been at the point where I am doing things 'for them' – and generally I obsess about people I don't know or will never see again. I'd already picked up on loads of stuff you mentioned in your article. What is it I think they can 'bring' to my life and how can I bring it to myself? Part of it is just loneliness, though, I think. In fact, I think that's the biggest part of it.

    This part of me destroyed the last dating experience I had – and it's never been so bad as to actually affect my reality at all – so now I'm scared of it. And now of course I'm obsessed with the person I briefly dated. I can feel a deep yearning for them all the time, and I don't know them. Neither will I ever see them again. It feels like it's impossible to make this end when it's gone on for so long.

  129. So I decided to move jobs to get away from her in the end. It had to be done as I just couldn't control my feelings and it was starting to really eat me up, having to work shoulder to shoulder with her all day and just wanting to be with her, but knowing she didn't feel the same.

    I left work on Friday, and said goodbye to her yesterday. She hugged me and wished me luck etc, and I tried to be cool about it while all the time my heart is completely breaking, knowing for sure now that it will never happen between us, and I'll probably never even see her again.

    I think I did the right thing, and I know I'll feel better soon for getting out of her orbit, but It's so hard at the moment.

    It seems to cruel that life should be set up like this; to make your heart yearn for someone so bad, yet make it completely outside of your control to make that person feel the same.

  130. This article really helped me understand my mind so clearly now. Every sentence in your write-up, I thought to myself "Hey this happened to me! this is what I do! "

    I'm going through this obsession-mess right now. I'm utterly infatuated with this guy I met online. When I was new to the site and posted a hello in the intro section of the site, that was when we met. There were so many others on the site I talked to, but somehow, my mind was drawn to him. I was attracted to him. Both of us began spending hours and hours together talking to each other, writing long letters to each other EVERY day (each letter ran up to 3-4 pages each day I guess)….

    It started with both of us talking about music, but eventually, we shunned all the foramlity and just talked about anything, even the most personal things. We began wrecking our lives. He failed in his exams, I failed in mine too.

    But I think that one day, he just realized what his priorities are and moved on with life. But I still can't stop obsessing over him. If he doesn't appear online for 2 days in a row, I'm depressed. There's no love; coz I'm occupied with my own problems, and he too has a girlfriend; it's just pure obsession. My scores are tanking; and more important commitments pile up each day; but my mind is filled with him, and I can't think straight anymore.

    This article has explained each of the things I go through everyday, so remarkably. It was an eye-opening message on prioritization. I cannot thank you enough πŸ™‚ Thanks πŸ™‚

  131. I met this coworker a while back. At first we didn't talked a lot, because of the job we had to work together for a while. It turned out that we had the same likes in movies and food. Our relationships with our partners were the same. Because it seemed that we had sooo much in common, we started to fell for each other. When I noticed that I couldn't sleep well because of her, I decided to look for help. I have been reading about the subject, and came across your article. It has helped me immensely.I started to follow your suggestions and so far I am doing better….but still have a way to go. I have pulled back a little bit on my conversations and she has noticed. Now she is on to someone else in the office.

    Thanks for your advice and helping me open my eyes….

  132. I never thought in my adult life of 34 years, would I ever going to experiencing infatuation again since my teen years.

    I had this overwhelming crush with a housemate of mine whom we became friends for a year after sharing an apartment together. Initially, I was not interested in her when she first moved in and I was more afraid not of not getting along with her. Because I usually share flats with guys most of the time, not with girls. Especially with mature adult such as my housemate, – we both in our mid 30s.

    Anyway, initially what started off as just normal housemates, ended up with me developing quite an infatuation all because I experienced two harsh setbacks in my life. I lost my girlfriend, and then I lost my job. Both of them happened within a span of 3 months apart. That sure was a very difficult period of my life and I sure wasn't feeling very good about it, coping with depression, sadness and frustration etc,etc. She witnessed all this. And to my surprise, out of her kindness, she offered generous things such giving me food to eat whilst I was coping with my sadness and really started to look after me – when I never asked her to do so. To my surprise, I accepted her kindness and we became friends since then.
    But since my friendship built from there, and I eventually pick myself up. My mind started to develop these intense thoughts around her and I couldn't control them. It's as if my mind began to feel obsessed about her as if it's trying to signal me that there's something about this housemate did something that my ex-gf could never do in a million years. Which is being sweet, kind, generous and loving. Because of her traits, my mind started to gravitate towards her and feeling of wanting to know and see more of her, which makes me feel good inside out.

    But knowing from that point onward, I realised that I developed a very unhealthy habit of infatuation over someone whom I shouldn't have strong affections for. It's been told it's not a wise idea to develop your affections for your housemates because there's an element of risk that you'll lose a perfectly good friendship you built in the first place. I was fully aware of that this where the direction is going and I really started to worry for myself how long can I keep hiding my feelings for her so strongly such that I could not function on my accord on a day to day basis! Let's face it. Having initial infatuation for the crush is a great feeling to begin with, but it's definitely very dangerous to prolong it. It will drive you nuts in the process, especially both of us living the same place day in day out everyday! I needed to find a way to confess my feelings to her, just to letting her know how I feel and see if there's anything possible between us. Whether she'll reject or accept me, I couldn't care less! More importantly, I needed to build the courage to tell her what I want to say about her and our special friendship such that I need to get rid of my infatuation out of my mind for good – once for all!

    And I'm glad to feel relieved it's over to have it out of my mind. Even though she did reject me, I didn't really mind about it cause I was mentally prepared for that outcome anyway so it didn't sting me that much. I'm just more glad to get the air cleared up so I can move on and focus on my life for the better…

    And I enjoyed your last paragraph of this post, saying how you should focus more on yourself and cast back on your reflections on the last interactions to figure out what you want in such a person and how you should trust in the process the events will occur on your lap when you truly meet someone really really really special. I really like that because what you've written here has given me the better closure of my personal situations and allowing me to make positive insights out of them!

    Thank you so much for writing and sharing this post!! Thank goodness I found your post. Bless you!!

  133. I thought I was in love for the first time with a guy I dated for only a month. After day one I was hooked. He was the only thing that mattered in my life and now without him I feel like I can't breath because it hurts so much. I have those little things and cute memories stuck in replay on my head and I need an escape from it. It only makes it worse to not be angry with how he treated me. He basically ignored me the whole time we dated. I never got mad it just made me want him and like him more. The time we did spend together was absolutely amazing. But I was the only one actually trying for us. It still hurts so so much and I can't wait for it to stop. Sadly though I don't Want my feelings to end for him. I'm not ready to let go just yet but I wish I were! I've tried everything this article states but nothing help and I don't intentionaly hold on. It just won't end! How can I get past this!?

  134. This is such a great article. I am currently head over hills in love and obsessing over the father of my child. It's been 4 years I've felt the way I do and it is destroying me. I have changed myself and my life for him but to no success. I find it hard as he tells me he loves me the chemistry and connection between us is so strong but we can't be together. I would give up the world for him, to be with him but he can't let go of thinking our relationship is wrong and can never be (we are cousins, uk, not illegal or anything). I think that I know he loves me but really I don't, am I convincing myself he does? I feel so lost, depressed and down, I cry all the time and even considered suicide (I know it's extreme). I feel I need him and I can't live without him, I can't watch him be with someone else as it kills me. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and my children, why can't I love him? Any advice would be great asI can't go on like this much longer. Thank you

  135. Very helpful article. It gave me an insight on what I'm going through. Don't really know how, but became infatuated with a co-worker who also happens to occupy a higher rank position than me in the organization. This has been going on for a year and a half. She's a woman and so am I….I am legally married and never thought I would feel this way for anyone else, never mind someone of the same sex. I finally had to tell her how I felt and confront the problem. From then on, she barely talks, sees me and I avoid her too. My life was simple, and now personal life is upside down… I just can't provide my male partner with the intimacy he wants, and he's a great guy. Just don't know how can I trade someone who loves me unconditionally for someone else who avoids me…

  136. Haey actually I am in love wd a boy he was in relationship wd me from last 4 years I love him a lot he is my everything my bf my best friend my everything he is a good person I like everything about him but now he says he is in love wd someone else this thing is hurting me I cnt let him go even a thought of loosing him or letting him go kills me I become mad I cnt live one day wdout him he says he love me a lot but nt as much as he love tht other girl so is my feelings for him positive or obsession and how to overcome it but I really cnt live wdout him wat should I do I really need a help plz help me out plz

  137. I exactly know what you mean…! You meet someone, you think nothing of it, and before you know it you are completely and fully in love!! I feel for you, it is a real nightmare, and the worse thing is that your mind/brain tells you that it doesn't make sense, and you will never be together, but you heart doesn't listen…. Is it any better now?

  138. This is a fabulous article. I have become completely infatuated with a woman of 21 (and I am a married man of 49!). Yes, this sound ridiculous and she has not encouraged me in any way at all, but we share some common ground and a similar sense of humour. My infatuation is not particularly "romantic" even though I want to spend all of my time with her. The above article hits all of the spots though – I invent witty things ready for the next time, I'm getting the nervousness as things are getting more obsessed etc… Your hint about analyzing why was the key though. My wife hasn't smiled at me or laughed with me in years, and I have a daughter who I missed the chance to know, and this young lady somehow steps into those gaps. I think I'm on the step to recovery now!

  139. I don't know what to do. I can't seem to stop the anxiety when he doesn't text or ask to see me. I know he's extremely busy. I feel like my life revolves around his responses. I'm only happy when he gives me attention. When he doesn't I get into fear that he doesn't want me anymore.

  140. There is an attractive young lady who works in the building I clean. She has said hello to me often. I did not pay it any attention. Lately I have become infatuated with her. When she walked down the hallway today, she fluffed her hair. I can talk to the young lady, she is real young and more professional than I am. Should I simply just say hi and bye.

  141. What if you're obessed with a girl becausr she was nice to you out of pity? At first you hated it that she felt sorry for you but afterwards you started to have a crush on her. Now that she knows this, she starts hating you and calls you a stalker. She runs an ananymous confessions site and you happened to confess not knowing it was her who is in charge of it. She goes on to ananymously bash everything about you in a harsh way. Please put in your input. I stopped reacting to the bashings and even always mentioned that I never wanted anything from her???

  142. Happy to find this article,
    I am married with adult children, I am fortunate to have good genes so that I still get the looks wherever I go, anyways,
    one of my job is arranging Events, Focusing on group bands.
    A very good looking bassist half my age I've known for 2 years I always catch stealing looks at me, I considered it just a guys look and think nothing of it, until one day out of the blue as we were discussing his bands gigs I started liking the way he looks at me.
    We were friends in a site called Path, we both have a lot friends on there mostly discussing gigs,
    and in that site it flourished as hidden messages, so excited we are the only ones that understood the messages in the group,
    and then my life was all about him.
    Its a beautiful heavenly feeling, I feel so alive, Heaven sent, bliss , this feeling could never be bad, I longed to be with him alone, but never (so far) give in, I never asked him, but there were signals as clear as crystals: status, mentioning to friends publicly about love (he is a mans man, silent type that would never express feelings publicly), express jealousy to a husband of a married woman, born in the wrong year etc.
    I avoided private texting feature in the group, so does he.. Its too scary.
    I lost focus of my work resulting in one flop Event, and then I realized I needed a reality check,
    first I browsed Cougar, then I browsed How to,
    It will be very hard to let go of this feeling.. Very hard,
    But I must.
    Thank you for your blog.
    Sharing on here helps a bit.

  143. Hi Anonymous,

    Usually, if someone is nice to you out of pity, you should just take a step back, assess the situation, and make an intention of finding people who are nice to you because they are nice people who enjoy your company. This girl sounds like she is scared of your feelings for her, which is understandable. She probably is scared of the intensity and may feel a little violated.

    I would just drop all communication for now. Maybe in the far future you can send her a short note but for now, just focus on other aspects of your life.

  144. I just happened to stumble upon this most excellent article. In the past few weeks I have also experienced euphoria all the way down to desperation. I felt like a 17 year old again. I know the object of my obsession is unreachable and it is time for me to say goodbye to him. Your article will help me immensely.

  145. Thank you so much for writing this article. It helped me realised how infatuated I was. I'm very much in the middle of it atm. Thing is, the person I'm infatuated with likes me and is attracted to me. Always keeping me at arms length though. I find myself thinking about this person all the time, what I will wear when I next see them, invent conversations in my head. Its those unhealthy habits I need to break. It had consumed my life and I realised I was very much neglecting other aspects off my life. Although I may not be able to stop the thoughts yet, I need to tackle my behaviour.

  146. Thank you, I especially like your advice on "laughing at your own reactions, making fun of it" and "not letting your infatuation have the power over you". It's also really comforting to see that I'm not the only 40-year old married person out there who should really know better but who's been totally sidelined by an unreasonable crush. It makes even less sense because I am happily married and love and respect my husband! Like you said, it's often because of a failing in our own selves or something missing in our lives. I intellectually know that I'm infatuated with this "Boy" who is less than half my age because I'm entering a midlife crisis of sorts. He's so young, full of hope and promise, as opposed to my age and my feelings that I haven't accomplished what I coulda. Also doesn't help that he's tall, dark, handsome, muscly. And a nice guy. But it does help to read your article, and talk to female friends about how it's just lust/obsession and nothing good for either him nor I would come out of having a roll in the hay with this Boy if I'd have to sacrifice a long, meaningful, happy marriage. It helps a lot to just write this. Thanks so much!!

  147. I'm going through this right now. My head has known for a while I will not see her again but my heart isn't cooperating. I just discovered she was dating and I'm sincerely happy for her. However, I also discovered that I haven't heard from her because I have been blocked from her phone and FB. That is what hurts. I know this because of a posted pic. I found myself looking for any information about him or them. I feel really pathetic right now. It's just going to take time for my heart to catch up to my brain.

  148. You are amazing for this. your words are so true and I find comfort in knowing someone knows how deep the wounds have gotten.I feel like loving someone so deeply is a strength of mine I just want to put that energy to something useful like myself. I'm fully committed to getting over this.. Too many years of my life wasted on sadness and loneliness

  149. WOW…..this blows me away…I am older (52) and been married for 22 years with 2 kids (high school age). According to this article, I am infatuated. However, in this case it goes both ways. We have basically the same interests in everything (food, music, movies, relaxing, shopping, sick/twisted humor, exercise). We both have called each other witches for casting a spell on each other. Same shared thoughts all the time. She is divorced for a while now and could be lonely. We may have met each other at the right time for needing someone. We both admit something very special and a deep caring and respect for each other, and that is without the physical part escalating past passionate kissing. We admittedly feel the same for each other. So it's not a one-way infatuation on my part. The relationship has grown slowly over a year. We are being "adults?" about it and just the other day actually both (at different times) even thought "should we go to counselling?" to figure it out. We are both smart people, but are we delusional? Is there a chance it's real love? This is tough stuff. I never had this close of connection with my wife before or after marriage. Or is that a typical comment an infatuated person says?

  150. Although I have moved into another house and he another, he gave me a key to his apartment. I'm still in love with him. He begs me to come over but when I do, all we do is argue. I already know before I even go over there that's what is gonna happen but yet I still go. I feel like a jack ass but I still love him we've been together for 16 years. We've been living separately for the past 3 years. I really need to get this man out of my system for good! It's affecting my health and my job, hence my finances. Please help, I have no one to talk to and when I do, all they say is you're stupid, he's not worthy of you. But it's not that easy after being with someone for so long.

  151. Wynona,

    I found this entry earlier today, at a time I REALLY needed its advice. I have been obsessive and infatuated with this one person (or the idea of her) for over a year now. I have been in denial over what it really was. I hardly know her and I did everything in my power to do the things that this blog entry talked about. I tried to find work where she lives so I can somehow run into her and get her to fall in love with me. Or even getting a job at a company that COULD transfer me to an office closer to where she lives. I've ruined great potential relationships because this person has similar tastes, values, and ideas. It was an infatuation of the worse kind, that has affected my career, my personal life, and my happiness. I don't know her, I think that I do, but I do not

    there was a catalyst that made me face this problem. I found out today that she's gotten engaged. It's been difficult for the last day or so.

    Reading you blog has helped me out a tremendous amount today. I know that one post will not get me out of this funk, I have a long way to go. Still reeling, but not as bad right now.

    I need to start living my life more for me and focused more on me

    I'm going to try to read this post until I get better. and also, you have just gotten a new follower.

    thank you,

    Joshua

  152. Hey Wyonna.
    Thanks for the awesome article. I wish you'd take out time and read this. I've never discussed this with anyone as I'm assumef to be a really ambitious girl who knows what she wants and gets it. I don't want to brag, but I've been one of the most succesful people of my school. I had a friend in school and we were great friends. We talked on facebook all the time. We used to hang out in school everyday and he was so much fun. And then school ended and we went to college. We're both in different colleges now. Naturally, we didn't meet everyday but we chatted on whatsapp all the time. On topics from anything to everything. I realised I had crush on him and told him. He confessed that he too had feelings for me when we were in school but got over it. A few days later I told him I was over him,too. (Childish,I know) It's been 5 months since this incident and we still talk. But now, this crush has turned into an obsession. The funny thing is, he too seems to have feelings for me (It's pretty evident. He hasn't said anything,though.) The funny part is I don't even want a relationship with him,but I can't stop obsessing over him.
    Sorry for the rant. But please suggest something?

  153. I'm happily married AND pregnant but I've become so obsessed about a man I saw at the gym. I've literally NEVER seen anyone so beautiful and perfect looking in my entire life. I couldn't help but stare at him every time he was around and unfortunately he caught me staring and now he constantly tries to get my attention. I have stopped going to the gym because I'm farther along in my pregnancy, but I will eventually return to the gym. I don't know how to handle seeing him. He constantly looks at me and tries to get my attention and…I feel like, I need to tell him to stop.

  154. This article is exactly what I was looking for. I met a man, we hit it off so well. He is all I think about all day everyday now. Completely obsessed and I'm terrified I'll ruin a chance because I look so attached already. So thank you for this, I know what to do now.

  155. Thanks for the article.. it really helped

    But the thing is that I am infatuated with this girl. We know each other for the past 3 years and have met frequently. I did propose to her twice but all she said is that she needs time to think and when another guy proposed she said a yes. I t really hurts to know that you have that helped that person so many times and that person has helped you a billion times. Its difficult and pains really bad. I try to avoid talking to her but ultimately end up doing it everyday and started smoking as well..
    But thanks for the advice.. I do hope i get out of it…

  156. I'm sorry to hear that you've been really disappointed. Relationships really hurt sometimes. Maybe you can immerse yourself in a new hobby and/or group centered on common productive interests to give yourself the distance you need from her and kick the smoking habit πŸ™‚

    all the love,
    wynona

  157. hey!
    I hope you got that sorted out. it can be such a mind trip when someone we perceive as superhuman in some way or another enters our lives, even moreso when we get their attention. I hope he is off the beauty pedestal πŸ™‚ i'm sure not seeing him and being with your baby will definitely take the "force" away from the power of his good look

    all the love
    wynona

  158. Hi wynona i have been obsessed with a man for 28yrs now since our childhood but i left him for another man who i have 4 children with now the thing is i am still inlove with the other man and i am no longer with my children's father now but im so obsessed with the other guy am i going crazy

  159. so what if uve already sounded a bit clingy when that person stops replying to your messages..u say things like y r u ignoring me..then how do u fix that desperate tone that you set? i really hated myself when i said that. it just came out u know? πŸ™

  160. Dear Anonymous,

    Its okay to feel desperate sometimes, the most important thing to do right now is to forgive yourself and reclaim your focus and attention towards YOUR own life. Your energy is being angrily strained because, for the most part, it is focused on the PROBLEM.

    My suggestion is that you take some time to clear your head, journal about your issue truthfully, then after that, journal about how you are OPEN to a solution and the right outcome for both of you. This really helps free up your energy because in this way, you aren't focused on the specifics. Do this daily, and more importantly, do something good for you everyday and do something fun to get yourself in tune with your own joy and your own life!

    Lots of love,
    Wynona

  161. There's a term in psychology for what you are describing here and it's called limerence. My husband discovered he's prone to this after his relationship with a coworker almost destroyed our marriage. Thankfully it was a variation in which things weren't sexual, but the emotional affair was incredibly damaging.

  162. I'm so in love with a guy, and know it is infatuation gone out of control. The problem isn't that they don't love me, it's that I don't love myself. My obssession is a manifestation of all my insecurities hopes and fears. Even if the other person did show interest it would be a relationship based on semi-stalking. You can't love someone too much, but you can love them in the wrong way.

  163. This is a helpful article. Three years ago I met a girl I really liked. Then things kind of fell apart and I never got a chance to know her. I battled depression after this situation, and she has been in the back of my mind the last three years. Recently, I looked her up online and saw that she now has a kid and is with a guy (seems to be the guy she had the kid with). This made me feel a high level of anxiety and depressed again. I am also upset that three years later I still have not shaken her off of my mind. I have OCD and I do take medication for it. I am unsure if it is related to my OCD. But I am again struggling because I cannot quit thinking of her.

  164. I became infatuated with my boss while by boyfriend lived out of town studying in school. To begin with, I was never really attracted to my boyfriend. He just kept asking me out until I said yes. After three years, I met scott, my last boss. We worked at a hotel in their astronomy observatory and he even showed me into some of the bedrooms and would take me out to eat. As badly as I wanted to have sex with him, I have vaginismus. He also had a girlfriend who he later married. After I quit working there, I thought it would help decrease my obsession. Instead I upset him with a text message about not wanting to see me anymore, that he said he would rather never hear from me ever again. I was so hurt. I could not sleep for 5 days and ended up in the emergency room with psychosis. I am now diagnosed with schizophrenia and have negative symptoms that are chronic and will have to live with the rest of my life. My life has been on hold for 3 years now, and I still secretly obsess about scott. I feel as though my boyfriend is the only person who could love me, so I stay with him but think a lot about scott. I feel like I messed up my chances with him and then caused myself to become sick. I have obsessed about people in the past but I feel like with the damage that's been done, I can't move on from my relationship and I can't move on from my obsession. Before scott, I had plans to attend graduate school and become successful. Now, I am mentally ill and even developed a nagging ocd besides the pure obsession. Do you think I will ever move on, or is it possible I'll always love scott?

  165. This article is a godsend, thank you. I'm going through infatuation at the moment and it is a struggle to change one's way of thinking.

  166. Thank you so much for writting this,I cried as I read this.I feel relief and hope I will be able to get over this distructive behavior.I'm married and became obsessed with my son's therapist,I found him attractive and I enjoyed the small talk,but then I became obsessed and stalked his fb profile.He rejected the friend request and now its awkward because I still have to see him.I want to apologize for my behavior,should I and what could I say so we can move toward and forget this whole scenario.

  167. I'd like to share my story; it's different than many of the other commenters here. I met a girl online earlier this month, we chatted for maybe a week or two, and we had our first date a week and a half ago. We proceeded to the second and third date, and the fourth date is coming up in a few days. The emotional and physical chemistry is amazing, we have tons of shared interests and a very compatible sense of humour, we coincidentally live 2 blocks away from each other, and the whole situation is very exciting.

    We are both mature professionals near age 30 with busy lives full of work, hobbies, and social activity, and we both have experience with romantic relationships. Here's the kicker: I hadn't been on a date in 5 years prior to our first date. And so when I found myself thinking about her constantly, starting after I got home from the first date, and continuing all day every day, even sometimes lying awake at night (rare for me), I asked myself "Did I just find my soulmate on my first date in 5 years, or are these feelings only happening because I haven't received this kind of romantic attention in a long time?"

    As a young man I experienced the downfall of letting yourself submit to infatuation, and I like to think that I still carry those lessons. So I was aware of what was happening in my head and forced myself to take it slow, take it easy, continue to focus on the things in my life that I was previously invested in, and just not get too excited. I know that would be the quickest way to screw this up.

    My problem is that I have found myself totally distracted at work, a job where I need to focus constantly. As problems go, this is a nice one to have, and I know that if I can keep my cool through the next few weeks/months of this budding relationship, I can give it the best chance for success. Reading this article reinforced that I am doing the right things, and reading all of the comments helped me feel not alone in the battle against intrusive thoughts, however nice they may be.

    The thing that has helped me cope the most is to constantly remind myself that I am an individual, and so is she. I believe that if I am honest and true to myself, and she still wants me, then it's a relationship worth investing in. I want her because of who she is, and she wants me because of who I am, and as long as I trust in that, whatever happens will be right.

    Here's hoping I'm on my way to true love.

  168. Honestly, I have read so many articles but no one breaks it down the way you did! Thank you so much! I hope this reaches out people before they screw up their relationship whether a friend or romance. It's all about timing, better to wait two months and love them for lifetime , then lose them and have no extra night with them. Easier done than said . (Question if i want to ask for advice you have an email I can contact you, thanks in advance)

  169. I think my wife is seeing someone behind my back, how do I know? I turned round and there she was talking to someone! What a cowbag!!

  170. Thank you so much. This is me right now. I'm a bi guy and i've suddenly developed a insane crush on a younger guy. He is mostly straight and this was his first time with a man.We got intimate and now i feel powerless and he has all the power. That's how i feel. I also feel intense pangs of jealous when i think of him talking to others. I am scared as i feel he has all the power. I am attractive but,he is incredibly good looking and i feel this is one of the big problems with me.I love him emotionally too. Anyone wants to chat about it email me on taybish@hotmail.co.uk. Help us end our suffering by sharing and ease the pain. cheers

  171. It is good to see that I am not the only one. I was never looking and somehow, it found me. And it has been choking me every since. Thank you for the guidelines on "letting go" as the person that caught my eye and has wrapped himself around my brain is just flirting with me..and afraid of commitment. My only question is, in order to get over this, do I have to make sure I don't see him…run into him..be where he may be? I feel like I should continue to live my life and not try to "avoid" him especially if I am going to a place I enjoy…that makes me happy. Thank you again for your great wisdom. I am going to start to concentrate on me and making myself better at whatever I want to be better at! πŸ™‚

  172. It is good to see that I am not the only one. I was never looking and somehow, it found me. And it has been choking me every since. Thank you for the guidelines on "letting go" as the person that caught my eye and has wrapped himself around my brain is just flirting with me..and afraid of commitment. My only question is, in order to get over this, do I have to make sure I don't see him…run into him..be where he may be? I feel like I should continue to live my life and not try to "avoid" him especially if I am going to a place I enjoy…that makes me happy. Thank you again for your great wisdom. I am going to start to concentrate on me and making myself better at whatever I want to be better at! πŸ™‚

  173. Hi! I came across your article when i was searching for possible tips on how to get over an obsession. Some words in your article was just too on point and personal that i thought you were directly talking to me.

    It is very unfortunate that i developed this obsession with a colleague of mine. At the beginning, i was totally uninterested with him that i an not even that aware of his existence. But some circumstances came, and constant communication thereafter made me fully infatuated with everything about him. Whats worst is that he has a long standing relationship with his girlfriend. I hate it when i get jealous with his girlfriend and whenever hed talk about her. It's heart crushing and very painful too!

    I started to make some efforts of breaking away from this obsession. We were very close and in constant contact both by text messages or facebook chat thats why he easily noticed why i was distancing myself from him. It confuses me whether i should devise another way because it endangers my friendship with him because i would try to totally ignore him, and not talk to him at all even when were on the same room.

    I hope i can really get over him…
    Lot's of will and prayers needed.
    Thanks for this article… totally helped!

  174. thank you for writing this!! I've been obsessing over someone and this is the first helpful thing I've read to get over it. Just like you said, I've put him on a pedestal. I need to start focusing on myself again so he doesn't seem so great anymore. And I need to appeal to a higher power. And in being honest with myself, maybe I can't let go because I'm addicted to the feeling of being in love. It is fun, exciting, blissful. I need to start getting my thrills from somewhere else.

  175. We had a whirlwind romance, then circumstances drove us apart. I tried now and then to rekindle something but he was never ready. Recently, he came back into my life and it was as if he never left, but then the emotions were overwhelming him and I expected too much too soon. He needs space to sort things out for himself and it is so difficult for me to back off and stop checking for messages etc. Thanks for this article, it makes sense and it helps. If I keep obsessing I will lose him again, probably for good. I will try the things you suggest and just work on myself more. Thanks.

  176. Hi your article meant so much to me. I had been on similar grounds earlier and life took care of things. But this time around my infatuation is about a much younger person than I am and the fact that I am married and have a daugter just make things worse. Off late my marriage has not been great part problem is me too. And out of no where this girl happenned to talk to me and as is usually said in case of girls I have been swept of my feet. I find everything about her interesting and a person fun to hang around. And the social networking apps have made life much more difficult. I generally was not that phone savvy but now I check for msgs every other minute in anticipation if it might have been from her. I have done lot of funny things during this short period which makes me laugh in introspection. I even tried not msg on my own but reply if she leaves a msg but that too hasn't helped much. She is a nice girl and aspirational and clear about what she wants in life and I am sure I can in no way imagine anything more than friendship but that too has turned as infatuation making me think of her quite often often affecting my productivity. I feel lighter writing this message. But your article threw the light on my state of affairs. I want to forego infatuation and just let be friends which I think is not possible.

  177. Hi.. this inf I is aeesome.. I cud really connect wid it… but d prob is dat evn if I wanna avoid her I cant cz v r in d sme wrkplce.. frm d past 2 yrs since I hav met hrr.. I hav completed ma d e myself like her.. d way she dresses she talks.. I hav disownd wat she lkes.. many a tmss I do not go 2 my wrkplce only cz m evn going throughan iinferiority complex.. I feel she is very rich very smart.. has big car.. PLZ HELP.. ITS URGENT. . MY xams r cuming … I need 2 focus on dat

  178. Thx I'm not dangerously infatuated was but not now I think ill stay infatuated o sorta like it though no one that is truely infatuated can admit they are

  179. It's quite heartbreaking just to read the comments, we all have love to give. I'm a 55 year old woman and I knew I really liked one of the men in our social group. It was fine until I stupidly told him. Now I have endured 2 months of painful infatuation, living a fantasy, with feelings of extreme ecstasy and elation, like being on drugs, followed by paranoia, guilt, very low and sad. The man in question has actually been very kind without doing anything and not rejecting me. I told some close trusted friends, which helped put it into perspective. At its height, I thought we were having an Internet sex affair, which simply wasn't true, I am a very creative person but need more interests to fill my life, which I'm working on, now the spell has been broken. I saw the man yesterday and things are feeling more normal. I still adore him but not in that painful urgent way and no one got hurt, so there's no bitterness. Infatuation has to run its course before burning out.

  180. I have had a lot of personal problems reguarding my husband and had to see my doctor for the past 8 months because i have depression. I now think i have started to get obsessed with him and i don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to see another doctor because he has helped me so much over the past 8 months, should I tell him or not, I don't think about him in a romantic way but more as a close friend.

  181. Thanks for this! I've literally become obsessed with this guy after I found out he liked me (and still after he "apparently" didn't like me anymore). I honestly really needed this, because he is on my mind everyday and it has become a pain..

  182. Hi wynona…Thanks a lot for this wonderful piece.I need to talk to you regarding this in detail. I need help.Is there any email or something through which i may contact you.
    Many thanks

  183. Hi wynona…Thanks a lot for this wonderful piece.I need to talk to you regarding this in detail. I need help.Is there any email or something through which i may contact you.
    Many thanks

  184. This sounds like my situation. I am a 53 year old married women. I have been infatuated with a married man in my social group for more than 5 years. I regrettably divulged it to him about 4 years ago – he was great about it – said don't worry. The following year it was awkward, then finally when I felt like we could be just friends again, all the feelings are coming back with full force. I don't know if my infatuation will ever run it's course in this case. I have to either separate from the group (all my friends) or endure it for the rest of my life. He's exactly the type of man I am attracted to. I don't see him as perfect – it's just that I love him.

  185. My infatuation with someone is downright ridiculous and hopeless. The thing is, I don't even know him, nor does he know me. In fact, we haven't even seen each other. Worst case scenario, he's actually from a different time period and probably 20 years older than me.

    I was watching a concert of some singer in the early 90s (yep, that long ago), and there was my infatuation dancing in front of the camera. I was so drawn to his beauty and posture.

    A good thing was this event happened in my area (no more than 5km away). So perhaps that man is still living here? Yeah I know, I probably won't ever be with him (and I don't care about that), but I just want to KNOW his NAME or SEE HIM around. Just to feel better.

  186. My infatuation with someone is downright ridiculous and hopeless. The thing is, I don't even know him, nor does he know me. In fact, we haven't even seen each other. Worst case scenario, he's actually from a different time period and probably 20 years older than me.

    I was watching a concert of some singer in the early 90s (yep, that long ago), and there was my infatuation dancing in front of the camera. I was so drawn to his beauty and posture.

    A good thing was this event happened in my area (no more than 5km away). So perhaps that man is still living here? Yeah I know, I probably won't ever be with him (and I don't care about that), but I just want to KNOW his NAME or SEE HIM around. Just to feel better.

  187. Dear Wynona,

    Your article indeed is perhaps the most realistic description of infatuation I have ever come across. You have described infatuation and it's symptoms exactly the way they happened to me.

    I need help.

    I'm a married man infatuated with a woman I have only met twice. I work at a store and she visited twice as a customer. From all that I have gathered she seems to be a hardworking girl who cares about her family too. She came across as more mature than all other girls that visit the store. She has a cute smile, although she is bordering in being overweight – but that didn't seem to bother me.

    To be honest, I have no problems whatsoever with my wife. My married life is good as it can be. I love my wife very much. We both have sacrificed a lot in life to be with each other and to get married. I love my wife and value the live and care she gives me. We do not have any children yet.

    It's just that I have a strong feeling of infatuation(blind love for a person whom I know very little about) for this girl. She is always on my mind. I feel like talking to her and spending time with her. I dint have her number or any contact info. I'm not even sure when she will come to d store next.

    The last time I felt so strongly for anyone it was for my wife before our marriage around 7 years ago. I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that I will ever love some other woman or even get infatuated with her.

    I want to do the right thing. I don't want to divorce my wife and I don't want to separate from her.

    I have told my wife about this girl. My wife could sense the more than usual liking I seem to have for this girl.

    I don't know the past or present about this new woman. I know nothing substantial abut her to base my liking for her on. Still I feel obsessed with her and thoughts about her.

    Please help me find the right way forward before this attraction starts hurting me or my wife and hearts break.

    Thank you,
    John

  188. Hi
    Great article and I'm hoping to use this to overcome these feelings that I have. Recently I have come to be obsessed over my sister in law. The strange thing is that I am a happily married man and I love my wife deeply! I'm actually disappointed at myself for feeling this way. I would never share these feelings with anyone which is why I'm looking for help online. I have a wife who loves me very much and I love her as well and I can't figure out why I am feeling this way. I feel ashamed and confused!

  189. How i got my Husband back Thanks to Lord Alika for bringing back my Husband ,and brought great joy to my family??? My name is Kathryn Louise, My Ex-Husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Lord Alika , You are truly talented and gifted. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.Email: lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +19206246318. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

  190. How i got my Husband back Thanks to Lord Alika for bringing back my Husband ,and brought great joy to my family??? My name is Kathryn Louise, My Ex-Husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Lord Alika , You are truly talented and gifted. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.Email: lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +19206246318. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

  191. How i got my Husband back Thanks to Lord Alika for bringing back my Husband ,and brought great joy to my family??? My name is Kathryn Louise, My Ex-Husband dumped me two weeks ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help people to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 48hours that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Lord Alika , You are truly talented and gifted. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http is the only answer. He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.Email: lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +19206246318. web:http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http

  192. I am glad I found your post. Everything in your article rings a bell in me. However, there are 2 pieces of advice from you that are literally a lifesaver for me. First, to stop roaming their haunts and second, to be prepared to accept that they may not want us. Now that I do not spend my time thinking about orchestrating a 'chance' encounter with her and now that I do not obsess over what-if-she-does-not-like me (it has been incredibly appeasing to realize that whether she likes me or not, I will be the better off to go on with my life), I am in a much better position to slowly regain my sanity. I am a 52 year old single man who has fallen for a 28 year old woman. She holds an eatery and since my second visit when she inflamed me by putting too much chili in my dish, she has stayed in my head. I feel like a criminal / thief to pursue a woman 24 years younger than I am. I wished I could forget about her but as we all know, this is impossible. So I find myself patronizing her eatery regularly. It has been 3 weeks now. All kinds of thoughts are racing through my head from fantasizing about a future with her to wishing that I find out that she is short on manners and humanity so that I can get her out of my head. At first, she was acting normally, just a teeny bit surprised to see me so regularly, but within 2 weeks, I have been no less surprised that she is asking me questions, feeling nervous and stealing glances at me. At this stage, I do not know whether she is free and I cannot say if she is interested in me. However, if this goes on and we start getting to know each other, I dread the day that she will get to know my age. I may be slim and look 5-10 years younger than I am, I can well imagine what kind of a shock it will be for a woman that young to discover that she has been dealing with a 52 year old man. I can already see the horrified look on her face that will make me want to disappear in a hole forever. It is no crime to be 52 but when you seek out people who are young enough to be your children, it does feel like a crime. What do I do now?

  193. This is just what I needed to hear. I've been obsessing over this wonderful man I'm seeing to the point I'm thinking about him every waking moment. It's highly unhealthy. At first, I thought that he was the problem… why doesn't he reply to my texts fast enough, why is he brief in his responses, why doesn't he see me often etc. But the fact is, we have a lovely time when we're together and it's not him that's the problem, it's my irrational infatuation that's poisoning my mind. He has plentiful hobbies, a busy job, a young son and many friends to keep him occupied when he's not with me and I should work on having other such focuses as well!
    I think initially it will be hard and I'll have to force myself to do other things besides wait for him, but now I know I must!

    Thank you!

  194. Thank-you so much for your rational words and your eloquent delivery of them. I'm sure this article has helped many more people than you know. I will be working on the surrendering piece and meditating with the visualizations you suggested. Simply wonderful article. Well done.

  195. Great post! I wish I had of read it a week or so ago before I botched it up with this girl I was dating for doing the exact opposite of what's described here πŸ™‚

  196. Thank you for such blog, its 2 am and I can not sleep. I have this girl friend of mine that I am obsessed about. We have been dating three years getting to four, I am presently out if the country where she resides but my mind is with her, I doubt if she is seeing someone else, if she lives me, basically I am living just to please her. I have abandoned all my dreams so I can raise money to marry her. But I am drowning emotionally, I can't seem to do anything but think of her, if I write her she doesn't respond I get really frustrated, I type messages to end the relationship but can't send because I feel without her I will literally not exist. I am a cook and I have wounds all over my hands because I seem to have her on my mind every second. I have wet dreams when I sleep, please I need help I am literally in bondage. I don't know how to focus on anything else other than her. I have deleted her number, tried to avoid her calls but still find myself calling.

  197. This is unbelievably helpful right now. I had known and been great friends with the person and then all of a sudden we had one drunken night alone and it's like something clicked inside of me and I have been thinking about them all the time. I guess even though I was suppressing it they unlocked it.

  198. This article is exactly what I needed to calm me. I feel I may re-read it when/if I feel the obsessive thoughts return. gratitude. jb

  199. Seems infatuation is second nature to me. I can go back to 1989 and remember each crush. Even ones from my childhood. I'm now in my 50s and I'm tired of this. But let's face it. At my age, I'll never fine true love. Most men want younger women. Ladies, don't waste your youth and best years on men who don't care for you. I learned the hard way.

  200. Completely obsessed with my manager at work. I'm 33 and she's in her mid 40s. Been drooling over her for most of the 3 years I've been at this job but I'd die of embarrassment if she ever knew how I study her facial features trying to memorize her perfect face when she's not looking. There are many reasons why she's not a good choice for me, not that it's an option to even choose her… but the way I feel when I see her is like nothing I've ever felt before. Been in long relationships with women I loved very much, but the way she makes me feel is some new unknown feeling. She's more than a decade older than, my boss, most the women I've dated were more attractive, and I've no idea how'd she feel if she knew. There has never really been any flirting or anything. I've tried so hard to figure out why this woman is so special to me and I can't. I just want the feelings to go away at this point because for years I've secretly worshipped every second In her presence. It's making me feel pathetic and depressed. I have no trouble getting other women but the one I want, I don't even if I can get her or not and I'm terrified to even find out. If she isn't interested at all then I'm crushed n lose any hope I had. If she is interested n we got together then there's a chance it doesn't work out and then I have to find a new job because I couldn't stand working with the goddess that I almost had a life with but is now showing coworkers pictures of her new boyfriend. On the bright side, I'm told by the owners that I'm the best employee they have ever had in 65 years, what they don't know is its because I'm so "in love" with my manager that i go to extremes to do the best job possible because that's the only way I can make her happy without letting her know how important she is to me. I'm such a mess lol. Sorry for the book of a post, just had to get it out, somewhere other than head. Thanks for the article, was helpful.

  201. Thank you for this article!. This is what I am feeling right now. I work with someone (don't see them everyday), a much younger guy, who I think about constantly. I felt so sorry for his lonely life and hard work, and I try to encourage him always. I pray for him to be safe and successful and I want nothing but the best and true happiness for this person. I am all sunshine on his down days, and sometimes I feel he brings out a better me.
    But I also long to see him or hear from him, and have imaginary conversations with him, and that is weird. I pray everyday to get him off my system, but to keep him safe, healthy and happy.
    I hope God answers my prayers.
    I am married with two teenage kids!

  202. My husband and I are about to separate. It has been a marriage devoid of affection for many years. Last summer I encountered a man and felt an instant attraction, chemistry and connection with him. He is nothing like the sort of man I ever felt I would be attracted to, but there is something very powerful that draws me to him. Since we met I have been deeply infatuated with him, though I know this is not reciprocated. I think about him all the time and, as he lives nearby, I always wonder whether I will see him. I can't imagine living with him and know we are very different in so many ways, but however much I tell myself that the infatuation is so powerful that I can only see him as perfect. I am a fairly intelligent and otherwise sensible human being with a respectable job and good friends, but I feel like an obsessive teenager. I can't imagine ever getting over this but I will try everything you suggest. Thank you so much for your advice.

  203. GREAT article- you had several novel points that speak to me. am currently interested, maybe even full-on crushing, on this one guy. not sure if it's because im lonely. he's a nice guy, but Im not sure why I am thinking about him waaay more than I should be and days after our last hangout. your article gave me perspective

  204. This is probably just me feeding my own infatuation I know, but OMG. This sounds identical to my situation, only in reverse! It's so similar that it's scary.

  205. Amazing article. I wish there was an easy answer to my situation. I'm having the wildest feelings about an older woman I work with. I feel definite chemistry between us, and it is taking me through the wringer. I'm obsessing over everything she does and says. Even when we text about work-related stuff, I'm over-analyzing everything. I so badly want her, but the fact that she is married with kids just puts a damper on the situation. I don't want to ruin anyone's family or situation. I'm just so lonely and feel so strongly about her. It's so selfish what I'm desiring, but I can't help it.

    I have recognized, though, that it is wearing me out mentally. I'm starting to act weird around her unintentionally. Mainly because I fear I have imagined all of this chemistry stuff, and she doesn't like me at all. I'm just not great at reading women.

    More than anything, I just wish I knew if she even felt a similar way about me. It would make it much easier. It's so tough not knowing.

  206. Before you even think and plan out to get over him or stop obsessing about it, you really need to admit the fact that you are obsessing. Accept this that obsessing over someone is not a very healthy behavior and in order to change it. You will never be able to move on from someone until and unless you do not know how badly you are trapped in this web of obsession.Can You know more about that https://goo.gl/KyTG9a.

  207. This may never be seen, but I feel I need to comment. I have been completely infatuated with a married woman. I do understand my own personal tendencies of becoming obsessed with women, but this one seems so different. From the start, when we first met, it's like there was instant and overwhelming chemistry between us. Couldn't stop smiling when talking to her, and we were finishing each other's sentences. As time went on, the feelings got stronger for me. I craved her presence and just to hear from her. Of course, I knew I was playing with fire, as she is already committed, but my loneliness and feelings for her made me want her so badly.

    I feel like there have been several opportunities to make a move, yet I did not. I do have morals, and I do not want to end up completely heartbroken, because I know that I will never come before her husband. Yet, doing the right thing hasn’t left me feeling great either. I guess the main problem is I have been in a fantasy world in my head, thinking of ways that it could potentially work out. It can’t. But my feelings are so strong now that I keep bouncing back and forth between trying to let her go, and going into brief stages of despair, knowing that the woman I care so deeply for cannot be had, and wondering if she even feels remotely close to how I do.

    Bottom line, you can’t control how you feel about a person. But never, ever, ever think you are going to make it work with a married person. I stupidly thought it could. For a while I did believe in true love, and that no boundaries could come between it. Yet, here I am. The place I knew I’d end up regardless of whether anything happened or not. It hurts, but I made it so much worse by investing so much energy into this person; a person who may not even share these feelings; a woman that has been pushing me away as of late, due to either her strong commitment to her family or just general lack of interest. It’s difficult now to be around her. I do wish her well and think she’s such an incredible woman with a beautiful soul. I guess deep down I just cannot stop wondering if she cares at all, but then again, it wouldn’t really matter at this point.

  208. Update: a month later.

    I totally had blinders on. I did everything I could to hold on to the belief that she cared for me and wanted me. Now I see more clearly that it wasn't the case at all, at least from what I can tell. She also isn't what I made her out to be. She's a human, who is flawed just like me. It still hurts because I did invest a lot of energy into this woman. I thought I'd found the treasure I'd been looking for. I thought we could have some burning romance that was so strong that nothing else could interfere.

    Dumb me. I continue learning. I just hope that one day I break the cycle of this irrational thinking.

  209. Oh my god ! I have been looking all over for a perfect article, who just won't list stupid things and talk reality for once and here it is ! So Thankful !

  210. Hello,

    The cycle of infatuation is indeed strong and quite irrational; you are not alone in this experience of it!
    Funneling energy towards a one sided fantasy will always leave you drained, but the bright side is that you are so capable of those gorgeous, lovely feelings associated with that woman. I suggest revisiting those feelings but removing the association with her. How can you create those feelings within yourself? Can you appreciate your life in the way you held that woman in such an appreciative and positive light? You are very strong at holding that energy, you have it DEEP. Now it is your time to go WIDE. No laser focus, try a softer beam.

    Blessings.
    Nona

  211. Great beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your site, how could i
    subscribe for a blog website? The account helped me a acceptable deal.
    I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea

    1. Hello Fermin! Thank you for the kind words! I am working on making the newsletter a bit better, but you can email me at beingridiculouslygoodatlife@gmail.com if you’d like me to add you to my newsletter list. There should be a pop up on page load but it seems to be working a bit strangely. Sorry about that!
      Nona

  212. I’m not sure why but this site is loading incredibly slow for me.
    Is anyone else having this issue or is it a
    problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

    1. Hello there!

      I apologize for that. I set my new website to be redirected from the original blogspot I had, so that might be why. Once you are on this site, everything should load in regular time.

      Nona

  213. It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you can write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read more things about it!

  214. It is truly a nice and helpful piece of info. I’m satisfied that you just shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  215. I happened to do a google search on this exact issue and so thankful I found this specifically. I’ve let a close friendship evolve mentally while knowing there are boundaries (sadly) to prevent it from mutually evolving. This article made complete sense to me and I’m amazed at your insights, based on reading some of your other works. After reading this, and doing some simple meditation, I felt complete calmness and clarity of this friendship as well as how to improve myself. You have a gift Nona, keep at it and thank you for the continued support.

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